The Unnamed Protagonist


Spokane, WA, Dec 31st, 2009. I need to bring myself to peace. Now that I have a weapon to bring myself to peace with, I shall partake in the leaving of earth. The voices have been getting louder and harsher lately and I can’t stand living like this anymore. It is my destiny to leave this planet. Nobody can stop me at all, not even my friends.

I slowly grabbed the weapon off my table. I then slowly put the barrel up to the side of my head, getting ready to shoot. Suddenly, my door busted open. I was surprised by this and dropped my weapon. The pig doctor, the god of chugging, and Zeus have busted in. “They’re here for you, go, run, leave”, I heard. I then shot out the window and flew out of it. The pig doctor was left behind to talk to my brother while Zeus and the god of chugging flew and tried to stop me from shooting myself.

“You shouldn’t do this to yourself!” the god of chugging yelled.

“Yes, I should, I deserve it.” I replied.

“No, you don’t!” Zeus replied.

I then flew over to where nobody would find me. The side of a road out in the middle of nowhere. There was an empty pringles can on the side of the road. I kept hearing “kill yourself, do it now, do it now, do it now!” I then shot myself in the head. The last thing I heard was a loud bang.

I’m now in some sort of heaven. There was a gate that was hands reaching out into the air and there were clouds with a single eyeball on them floating around. I then entered the gate.

“Welcome to ☟♏♋❖♏■. It seems you have been expired from your reality.” a mysterious cloud wearing a robe said.

The cloud has four eyes and wings, with hands extending from the top of it.

“Fear not, for we are here to guide you.” the cloud said.

I walked closer to the cloud.

“My child, Herald, you have served your full time in the mortal world.” the cloud said.

“My name is Herald?” I asked.

“Yes, my son.” the cloud replied.

“What’s your name?” I asked.

“The Gatekeeper. I am the shepherd, and the gods are my sheep.” the Gatekeeper replied.

“What makes you in charge of all the gods?” I asked.

“I am the only true immortal.” the Gatekeeper replied.

“Oh, that makes sense.” I replied.

“You may not remember how you departed, how painful it felt. I pity you mortals.” the Gatekeeper said.

“How did I depart from the mortal world?” I asked.

“You died via suicide. Auditory hallucinations of the evil Megastar were starting to kill you from the inside out. You couldn’t take the pain anymore and just ended your life.” the Gatekeeper replied.

“That’s a sad way to go.” I replied.

“Well, I say to you, pain no more for you are now safe with me." The Gatekeeper said.

“Thanks, I guess.” I replied.

“You are in forever eternal bliss. We will guide the lost, the forgotten, and the hurt.” the Gatekeeper said.

“Thank you for helping me.” I replied.

“You’re welcome, my child. I forgive you.” the Gatekeeper replied.

“Now why do I get special treatment like this?” I asked.

“Oh, this is standard treatment for all gods, but you’re special. You were the one who led the army to destroy the Megastar once and for all. And for that, you earned yourself a very special reward.” the Gatekeeper replied.

“What rewards do I reap?” I asked.

“You will have two divine doors leading to your heaven, one at your location of death and the other in the god graveyard. I know you did die on the side of the road in Spokane, Washington. Your grave has already been placed there by your friends and the divine door that leads to your dying heaven should be placed there soon.” the Gatekeeper replied.

“Well, can I go see my grave?” I asked.

“Sure thing. I shall guide your spirit there. You’ll get to take one last look at everything.” the Gatekeeper replied.

I felt my spirit moving along with the Gatekeeper. The Gatekeeper then brought me to my burial on the side of the road.

“Do you see your friends weeping?” the Gatekeeper asked.

“Yes.” I replied.

“You’ve made a huge impact on the lives of many people. And for that, you deserve a divine door on Earth.” the Gatekeeper said.

I watched as a divine door leading to my heaven appeared right next to my burial. The pig doctor, the god of chugging, and Zeus looked in confusion as they saw the door appear.

“Thank you for your service.” the Gatekeeper said.

“You’re welcome, father.” I replied.

The Gatekeeper brought me into my heaven for one last look. Everything was starting to fall apart, and the heaven was beginning to break down. That’s what happens to heavens when their god is dead, they die too. I was then sent back to the Gatekeeper’s heaven.

“Thank you for letting me take one last look at everything.” I told the Gatekeeper.

“You’re welcome my child. Rest easy for the turn of the decade means new adventures.” the Gatekeeper replied.

I am now at peace.

Published Jan. 4th, 2022