The Unnamed Protagonist


Fukuoka, Japan, May 4th, 2003. I was participating in an eating competition. I was competing with twenty other opponents. I knew I was going to lose; I'm not worth a damn dime. As I was chowing down, I saw my opponent's plates nearly empty. As I said, I knew I was going to lose.

All of a sudden, a giant mouth and nose appeared, floating mid-air. The giant mouth was squealing like a pig. There was a pair of heart-shaped sunglasses over the nostrils, red swirlies above the mouth on the sides, and a black heart on the nose. The giant mouth looked demonic to the fullest. The mysterious giant mouth then started eating the contestants.

I screamed and ran, the giant mouth was fast too. The giant mouth was eating people watching from the bleachers. All of the crowd was cheering and laughing. They didn't run because they were ignorant of the fact that this wasn't a part of the show. I wish I were them. Ignorance is bliss.

After everyone was eaten, the giant mouth turned towards me. With the giant mouth licking its lips and grimacing at me, I ran. The giant mouth was just about to get me when I jumped inside of a television. I saw the giant mouth looking directly at me. I kept hearing it squeal and then it started licking the television screen. It obviously wanted to consume me.

I was stuck inside of a soda commercial. The actor looked at me and questioned why I was even in the commercial. I told him:

"You won't believe me, but I'm running away from a giant mouth that's trying to eat me."

The actor replied back with:

"Shame. Well, that sounds like a personal problem."

I got no help from the actor. Not like I deserved any help. I sat there drinking soda as the actor gave me the evil eye. The actor knew I was ruining the commercial. That's what the actor gets for being a jerk. I already gave up on myself so this behavior is acceptable to me.

After a while of drinking soda, I noticed the screen started cracking. The giant mouth's tongue was breaking the screen of the television. I hopped inside the garbage can and hid. I saw the actor get ravaged in a gruesome fashion.

I saw a button in the trashcan that said "Epilepsy". I pressed the button and a strobe light turned on in the room. The giant mouth was stunned which means I have my chance to escape. I ran back into the studio room and then outside.

Outside, the sky was pink and the ambient temperature was warm. The clouds were rolling fast. When I looked back at where I exited from, I saw the giant mouth approaching. The strobe light only worked for a short amount of time.

I hopped in a car, hotwired it, and drove off. The giant mouth was chasing me down the road. I was speeding through the highway, faster than any car driving on it did. I looked at my rearview mirror and I saw the giant mouth scoop up cars and eat them. "That giant mouth must have a big bloodlust", I thought.

After twenty minutes of speeding and the cops were after me. The cop cars were faster than the mouth, just like I was. I was being shot at, the cops were trying to kill me. I would've been fine being killed if it weren't for that giant mouth wanting to eat my corpse.

I made a sharp turn. I nearly turned to wide and hit the wall of the road but I was lucky to have made it. I then crashed. I flew right through the car window and I was expecting to hit the concrete pillar. What surprised me was that I flew through the pillar and got teleported onto what looked to be a giant Big Mac. The giant mouth followed suit.

The giant mouth shrieked and started eating the Big Mac. I ran away from the Big Mac and hid in the ketchup drawer. I then heard sniffling sounds. I saw the giant mouth sniffing the air for me. But eventually, the giant mouth couldn't find me so it just went into the kitchen; terrorized the staff there, and heckled them for scraps left in the garbage.

I was found by a worker after she pulled some ketchup packets out of the drawer.

"EWW!" She screamed.

I know I'm that disgusting. She then grabbed and threw me out the window. The giant mouth looked at her with its jaw dropped in awe. The giant mouth then smiled and chased after me once again.

I landed inside of a storm drain, the giant mouth couldn't get me because it was too large to enter. I then saw it leave the area. I started walking through the sewers because I needed to find a way back home. I found a couple of rats that were less disgusting than me. It reeked of feces and garbage. I really needed to find a way out.

I then saw a crocodile. I decided to hitchhike the crocodile because it would be a lot faster traveling that way. I climbed up on the crocodile. It was quite a difficult climb due to its wet body but I was still able to make it to the top.

After hours of being on the crocodile's back, I got bored. I started eating some of the crocodile's flesh because I was hungry. I then spotted something moving in my general direction at a fast pace. "No, this can't be!" I thought.

It was the giant mouth. It somehow knew where I was. That giant mouth must be smarter than I thought it was. I feel very dumb compared to the giant mouth. The giant mouth then lunged towards me but the crocodile sniffed the air. The crocodile swung backward and roared at the giant mouth. I heard squeals coming from the giant mouth, it was scared of the crocodile.

As the giant mouth ran away, the crocodile chased it even faster. The crocodile was definitely hungry. The giant mouth made a narrow escape by turning the corner which made the crocodile smash its nose on the wall ahead of it.

Just as I was counting my blessings, a heavy downpour started. I was blessed by a god. Water flooded the sewers and I was washed up into a creek, along with the giant mouth. The giant mouth laid there, knocked out.

I was in nature for a good while. "I need to find a way back home", I thought to myself. I lived on the foliage and bugs of the forest for a good while. Once food became scarce in the winter, I had only two options left. Try to hibernate while starving or try eating the giant mouth. I decided to pick the latter.

I got my fire ready, I was going to eat the giant mouth. Funny how now I'm the one eating. I held the fire up to the giant mouth and it squealed. "Oh no, what did I just do!" I thought. The giant mouth then started chasing me. I decided to make a risky move and grab onto to the mouth and ride it. It couldn't reach me if I was on top of it.

I accomplished grabbing onto the giant mouth by rolling when it swooped down to grab me. I then grabbed it from behind and climbed. The giant mouth was screeching and squealing like a pig when I was on top of it. I had to hang on because the giant mouth was trying to shake me off the top of its nose.

We went for a wild ride. The giant mouth was speeding through the air trying desperately to make me fall off. That wasn't happening though, I had a tight grip on its flesh. I was flying through the city atop the giant mouth.

Eventually, the giant mouth finally threw me off.

"You know what, I give up..." Said the giant mouth.

I understood its pain and reassured it that it will find an even tastier target.

"You know what, maybe I'll get a job and live a good life! Thank you for the motivation." Said the giant mouth.

A month had passed, I was still a very tiny person living on the streets fending myself off from critters. I watched the giant mouth pass by. I asked if it had any crumbs to give me. While wearing its nice business suit and beautiful fedora, the giant mouth gave me a piece of pocket lint.

"How are you doing?" Asked the giant mouth.

"Fine, just hungry", I replied.

"You know, I'm hungry too. I think I should go get a bite to eat." Said the giant mouth.

"Got enough money for one more?" I asked.

"Let's go to the cafe, you can sit on top of the television while I give you some crumbs." Said the giant mouth.

Feeling happy, I let the giant mouth carry me over into the cafe. Soon, I was seated atop the television. I was fed crumbs by the giant mouth, just as it promised to me. Sadly, the food ran out quickly because he pigged out and squealed in the process of eating it.

"Gosh, I'm still hungry, and you know what that means!" Said the Giant mouth.

"What?" I asked.

"I eat you now! Hahaha." Exclaimed the giant mouth.

I jumped down and entered the television just before I was bitten. I was back at the eating competition, but this time with more people than ever before. I watched as the giant mouth broke the television screen with its tongue yet again. I was then chased through the grass. and crowd. The giant mouth was out to eat me specifically. "What went wrong with the giant mouth..." I thought.

I was caught between the giant mouth's teeth. The giant mouth then started squeezing my body with its incisor teeth. I was getting squished. Then orange juice bled from my teeth wounds.

"What the hell is this?!?!?" Screamed the giant mouth.

The giant mouth then started squealing and it collapsed. The giant mouth died. I then cooked the giant mouth and ate it. I won the eating competition because I ate the most. I guess this was a part of the show.

Published Nov. 9th, 2021