The Unnamed Protagonist


Bulawayo, Zimbabwe, November 9th, 2004. I lay in bed awake. I wanted to see the moon up close. I can’t because I’m not a space captain. It has always been my dream to see the moon up close, close enough to where I can touch it. “Maybe one day, maybe one day...” I thought.

I got out of bed and grabbed my telescope to look at the moon. I adjusted the magnification and angled the arc of the telescope to point at the moon. “There it is, the most beautiful object in existence”, I thought. I knew I’d touch the moon one day.

After all that thinking about the moon, I got hungry. “Where to go for food?” I questioned to myself. I thought of many ideas, burgers, hot dogs, pizza, seafood. One idea did strike me: chicken! Now I had to think of a chicken restaurant I wanted to eat at.

After twenty minutes of weighing the pros and cons of each chicken restaurant, I made my final decision. I will be going to Kentucky Fried Chicken. I love their food so much. Whenever the buttery chicken hits my taste buds, I feel like screaming with glee. I promptly left to go drive my car.

In my car, I put my keys in the ignition and hit the gas. I was driving now. I had to steer clear of any distractions because I’m a bad driver. In an intense focus, I neglected to see a deer in front of my vehicle. I hit the deer by accident, but no blood was shed.

I left my car to see the damage. The front of my vehicle has an impact dent. There lay the deer I hit. But it was not an ordinary deer, it had a crystal ball for as head. I checked the deer’s pulse, and it was still alive, surprisingly.

I lifted the deer up and placed its body on my car. The deer was very heavy for its kind. I waited for the deer to make a move. I was then kicked in the gut by the deer. I felt like vomiting after that mishap. I tried to calm the deer down, but it was still pulling a struggle.

I gave the deer my chips to calm it down, and it did. I was going to eat those chips along the way, but I remembered that I couldn’t get distracted. The deer seemed so serene after its snack of chips. I then heard “shake the deer’s head...” off in the distance. I couldn’t see who or what it was. I then shook the deer’s crystal ball head.

I saw an image of Kentucky Fried Chicken in ruins. In those ruins, a crab and a floating moon. The crab was enjoying its Kentucky Fried Chicken meal while the moon appeared to be reprimanding the crab. Confused by this glimpse into the future, I asked where I could find the closest time machine. I wanted to sort the issue between the crab and moon out.

As for the time machine, I had to locate it in the dark forest I was next to. The crystal ball on the deer’s head told me to do so. I then approached the dark forest, weary of my surroundings. This was very scary for me as I’ve never dared partake in anything such as this before.

In the forest, I saw a walking fish with a tesla coil on its head. I was then chased by the fish. I think it was trying to electrocute me. Hurriedly, I climbed up a tree and hid there. The fish was looking around for me, but luckily it didn’t know where I was. I doubt it could have climbed the tree though.

Up in the tree, I was still hungry. I hadn’t eaten yet, so I tried to eat the apples from the tree, but they were too sour. I spit the apple out of my mouth, accidentally hitting the fish. In an attempt to conceal myself, I climbed up the tree even further. The fish had looked in my general direction, but it didn’t appear to see me. “Thank goodness”, I thought.

Fifty minutes later and the fish had left. I came out of hiding and commenced forth on my journey to the time machine. I looked behind me and saw the deer trailing behind me. It appears that the deer had been following me this entire time. I wondered how the deer didn’t get caught by the tesla coil fish.

With the deer behind me, I kept walking through the creepy dark forest. There were spider webs everywhere. I kept bumping into the spider webs, the silk caressing my skin ever so softly. I was paranoid that I’d get bitten by a spider. After I got to what appeared to be an uncovered area of the forest, there was light. It was a blue shimmering light. I looked up in the sky and saw that the sky was a purple color. The moon was still out as well. The part of the forest I was in must be so far away from civilization because I’ve never seen or head of a purple sky until that very moment.

I finally found the time machine. It was a goldish orange, it almost looked like it was made of bronze. I asked the deer what time I should travel to, and I heard a reply far from the woods telling me:


I set the time on the time machine to year 2021 and then traveled. There was blue all around me in the teleportation process. A bright blue light then shone in my eyes. My eyes burned for a while after that. The flash in my eyes felt like lemon juice being squirted into my eyes; the feeling was that bad.

I was now at the Kentucky Fried Chicken of the future. In ruins, just as the deer foresaw. I looked around for the crab and the moon but there were no signs of life here. This was odd considering the vision I got from the deer. Maybe the scenario wasn’t ready to play out yet.

After twenty minutes of waiting, the door opened, and a Kentucky Fried Chicken worker came. I asked why nobody was there and I got this reply:

“You were so early. How did you even get here in the first place?”

I couldn’t answer that question without getting caught being a time traveler. I redirected the conversation to what menu items they have, and I tried ordering my food. Then, the crab came in to order. The crab cut me in line. I was furious.

“What’s the meaning of all this?!?!?!?” I asked.

“I’m very hungry, please let me order before you.” Said the crab.

Realizing we were in the same situation, I decided to let the crab order before me. It was the right thing to do anyway. Soon, the floating moon came in. The crab was already seated and eating his food when the moon came in. The moon floated right over the crab and started giving him heck over the price of its food.

“Hahaha you dummy, you wasted all that money. I get a better deal on chicken just buying it from the store and cooking it at home. Now get out of here!” Said the moon.

The crab cried and started packing its bags to leave.

“WAIT!” I yelled.

“Don’t go, let’s settle this like civilized folk.” I said.

I asked the moon why it did what it did and it replied with this:

“Oh alright! Fine! I’m just a bully”

I gave the moon a handshake and reassured it that we would get it help. The moon then split in half. From the remains of the moon came the Pringles mascot. I tried talking to the mascot, but it flew away from me.

I then ordered my chicken and enjoyed my meal with the crab. I finally got to touch the moon and eat the chicken from Kentucky Fried Chicken that I oh so wanted.

Published Nov. 11th, 2021