XXXV
Hefei, China, March 4th, 2006. I was at the museum for an urgent mission. A god sent me on my mission after the last time I went to a heaven. I had to read a scripture pertaining to me and a villainous entity. I didn’t know I was part of a legend. It felt nice to know that I’m recognized in some way.
I located the scripture in the back of the museum. The words changed positions so I could read it.
“----- must find and pull the most world blades before the m̴͍͔̬̃̏ą̶͈͚͆̀́̆͌̕͝s̶͍̖̦͚͜͝k̷̼̈́ finds and pulls more than -----. Upon ----- pulling the most world blades, he shall be granted the ring of madness. ----- must destroy the entity of destruction. Upon the m̴͍͔̬̃̏ą̶͈͚͆̀́̆͌̕͝s̶͍̖̦͚͜͝k̷ pulling the most world blades, he shall be granted with the release of the entity of destruction. Only one who wields the ring of madness can destroy the entity of destruction. The entity of destruction has the power to just think of destruction and it will immediately manifest itself in the real world. The m̴͍͔̬̃̏ą̶͈͚͆̀́̆͌̕͝s̶͍̖̦͚͜͝k̷̼̈́ will try unleashing the entity of destruction for its own sick pleasure. Watch out for the mask’s cohort: Famnig Stjarna. They both are ruthless and will stop at nothing to destroy you and everyone else who gets in their way. There are six world blades, ----- must pull four before time runs out. The locations of the six world blades are as follows: a giant swimming pool, the All-Seeing Eye’s heaven, a museum, the Hotline Baby’s domain, a Burger King, and lastly a Central Processing Unit. If there is a tie in the race of pulling the world blades, there will be a fight to settle the tie.”
My name didn’t show on the scripture, which was odd. Typically, people have their actual names on scriptures, not just lines. I’m glad to know my name is five characters long though. But I know my new mission now, I must find the six world blades and pull them, or at least four.
I looked behind me and saw a black mask reading my scripture. It gave out a nasty smile and started flying away. I was furious, now I must race against the mask. I remembered the scripture mentioning a museum, so I looked around the museum I was currently in. The mask was looking around the museum too. Then, I went into the restroom.
Inside of the restroom, I saw one of the stalls was radiating with a bright light but was locked. I kicked down the door and found a sword stuck in the toilet. “This must be one of the world blades.” I thought. I pulled the blade out and it vanished to thin air. The mask saw this and was not pleased.
The mask grabbed a vaccine and tried jabbing me, but I dodged. The mask promptly gave up and started flying away. I knew where I was going to get my next world blade. I remembered how to access the Hotline Baby’s domain. But I had to find a rotary dial phone first. I knew there were rotary dials over at Ikea, so I decided to go there next.
I hopped into my car and quickly drove over to Ikea, not without a chase though. Police cars started chasing after me. Luckily, I had a monkey in the back of my car that would throw bananas at them. The monkey had a bottomless bucket of bananas it could eat from. I yelled at it to start throwing the peels at the vehicles behind mine and it did. Many police cars ended up veering off, hitting each other, and flipping over. The monkey was successful at saving my hide.
Now I was at Ikea. I ran over into the building and found the rotary phone section. I dialed 777 on the phone and was instantly sucked into the device, leaving not a trace of me behind. I felt my body surge through the cold air of oblivion as I was being transported.
I was now at the Hotline Baby’s domain. Telephones were scattered everywhere. The Hotline Baby was gone, probably for a celebration. In the Hotline Baby’s throne was a sword. I ran up and pulled the sword out, with it vanishing into thin air the moment I pulled it out of the throne.
I was transported back to Ikea the moment I pulled the blade. However, I saw a blue star pillow with arms flying over to me, ready to attack. “That must be Famnig Stjarna” I thought. Famnig Stjarna had a vaccine in its hands was trying to jab me, in almost the exact same manner as the mask had earlier. Famnig Stjarna was a lot more stubborn than the mask. I kept dodging the thrusts of the vaccine but eventually succumbed to tiredness and then was jabbed and injected. I was paralyzed, and the Famnig Stjarna had a knife that it was ready to stab me with. I shut my eyes hard anticipating the pain and let me tell you, it hurt a lot.
I opened my eyes, and I was in a heaven, with a giant eye watching over me.
“How did I die?” I asked.
The eye replied with: “You were stabbed to death by a Famnig Stjarna pillow. I hope you know I don’t blame you.”
“Is there any way out of here? I don’t want to be dead anymore. I got a very important mission to complete.” I told the eye.
“My name is the All-Seeing Eye, and I am a god. I have been watching over you for as long as you can remember, so I obviously know about your mission. But! I do have a surprise for you. Come follow me. After you claim your prize, I will let you go back to Earth.”
I followed the All-Seeing Eye. I was led through a maze full of odd symbols marked in pen. I eventually made it out of the maze under the All-Seeing Eye’s guidance. I then saw a blade stuck in the cloud ground.
“For me?” I said with glee.
“Yes, for you. I wanted to help you on your mission, and this was the best way I could do so. I was incredibly lucky that you were sent to my heaven specifically.” Said the All-Seeing Eye.
“Why are all of the buildings here cracked?” I asked.
“There’s an evil force that has been weakening heavens for consumption. I don’t know what it is, but it probably the biggest evil force in the universe.” the All-Seeing Eye replied.
I pulled the blade out of the cloud, and the blade vanished into thin air. I was then sent back to Earth by the All-Seeing Eye.
I was at home now. I had no time to waste. There was a burger king a mile away from my house, so I took my brother with me in my car and went to Burger King.
“Now, I’m going to need you help me find a sword in burger king, do you understand me? This is very important. I’ll get you some food afterwards.” I told my brother.
We drove over to Burger King and ran inside. The mask was already there. I tried running out, but the mask was riding a spider mech. The mask chased me and grabbed me by the shoulders. I was then jabbed with a vaccine. My entire body was paralyzed once again. I then watched as my brother took my wallet and ordered food.
Ī̸͚ ̵̦͋w̷̥̽ą̶̒s̶͈̀ ̵͓̎o̴̖̕n̴͇͝ ̴̠̓m̵̕ͅy̴̹̋ ̸̯̈ẇ̷̳ã̵̻y̷̟̍ ̶̖͝ț̴͑o̶͉̎ ̴̥̾t̶͙́h̷̫̉e̸͕̐ ̶̞͒g̵̡͋i̷̖̾à̶͓n̴̬͐t̷̤́ ̷̰͊p̵̪̒ò̷͍o̷̯͑l̶̨̏.̶̩͆ ̵̣̒I̶̞͐ ̴͙̑o̷̲͆n̷͕̂l̸̼̃ỳ̵͜ ̵̟̓n̵̞̓ẻ̵̟ë̴̤́d̶͉̋ ̴͔̓t̵͖́ẘ̴̪o̴̱͊ ̴̣̾m̸̟͝o̸̫̍r̶̯͝e̴̪̓ ̵̬͘b̷͒͜l̷̢̓a̸̰̒d̶̮͆e̸͕̒s̶̗̀ ̷̢̌ū̵͙ñ̴̦t̸̬̾i̶̺̍l̵̻̓ ̶͖͐I̵͖͒ ̵̣͑h̵̥̿a̵̲͐v̶̞͘e̸͉̽ ̴͉̊f̷̡̄o̵̥̾ǘ̷̞r̸͈̈.̶̟͒ ̷̫̓H̷̞̆a̷̩̐h̷̗̔a̴̼͑h̸̙̓a̵̩̋.̷̭͊ ̸̣̈Ṭ̴̾h̸͚̍ă̸͕t̸̟̕ ̴͉̊i̴̜̿d̵̩̽ḯ̷͎o̵͔̿ț̸̕ ̵̺̚i̶͍͝s̶͓̕ ̸̹̔ŝ̶̟t̴̳͘u̶͚̅c̴͕̊ḱ̶͕ ̷̳̄b̸͚͘ë̴̜́h̸̩͊ì̶̗n̸̖̽d̸͖̐ ̴̢͌w̸͘͜h̵̜͋i̴͔͋l̵̫͌e̷͉̍ ̷̰̚Ḯ̴͉'̸̳͑m̵͉̃ ̷̝̽ǧ̷͉e̵̜̿t̵̪͝ţ̵̐í̷͈n̶̩̒g̶̹̍ ̶̳̒t̵̝͌h̷̯̓ǒ̷̫s̵̥̃ẻ̴͔ ̷̩̋b̷̼̿l̶̨̛a̸̪̚d̷̡̑e̶̙̍s̵̻͛.̴̧̿ ̴̗̏I̶̘͑ ̸̦͝ẁ̷͚i̸̦͐l̴̲̽l̸͉̏ ̷̡̾ŭ̶̯n̴͍̋ĺ̵̳e̵̖̐á̸̭s̵͕̿h̷̢̓ ̷̞͠t̶̩͛h̵̟̑è̸̺ ̴̮̌e̵̪̕ņ̶̀ẗ̸̯́ì̵̩t̶̩̾y̷͚͠ ̴̮̄ó̵̩f̴̤͑ ̶̻͝d̵̤̾ḙ̶͝s̵͖̿t̶̲̓r̸̡̄ü̶̼c̵̱͑ṫ̶̻i̶͆ͅo̶̰̚ņ̴̚ ̷͖̄á̵͕n̴͉̒d̴͉͌ ̸̨́n̶̜̍o̸̠̐b̶̺̽ȏ̵͍d̸̳̐y̸̞̕ ̴̨̎w̵̹̚i̷̠̚l̷̅ͅl̵̙͂ ̵̨̈́s̸͖͂t̷̝̋ò̵͇p̶̱͌ ̶͓̅m̵̤̎e̸̜͗.̶͍̏
̴̳͐I̶̡̓ ̶̻͠t̸̼̓h̷̗̆e̵̻̋n̵̞̉ ̵͑ͅr̸̙̔e̵͙̅ä̷͍́c̸͈̑h̴̢͘ê̴̡d̸̢͗ ̵͈̈́t̶̙̅h̵͔̋ȅ̴̞ ̵̟̀ǧ̵͇i̶͕͒a̸̻͝ṋ̵̓t̶̳̅ ̶̗̑s̴͇͋w̷̆ͅi̸̤̒m̶̦͐m̶̖͛i̸͎͘ṉ̴̀g̷̩̚ ̵̦̎p̷̦̒ö̸̮́o̵̻̔l̴̥̀.̷̖̃ ̶̣̈́I̴͙̊t̶̖͝ ̶̗̔ẉ̷͗a̵̹͋s̶̪̃ ̵͇̒v̵͍̈́e̷͚̓r̴̨̈́y̴͚͗ ̸͈̏ë̶̠́a̶̡͘s̷̠̽y̷̙͝ ̷̧̆ẗ̷͇́õ̵̡ ̵̢͝f̷̏͜ì̸̟n̶̖͘d̸̻̂ ̵̺͝ṭ̶̉h̴̥̆e̴̻͒ ̸̗̉w̷̯͌o̶͙̓r̷̺̀l̴̲̄d̷̙̃ ̴̨̉b̵̼̓l̵̩̃a̸̲͝d̴̰́ę̵̀ ̸̢̎t̵͎́h̶̛̞e̶̯̊r̸̯͂e̷̠͊.̵̛̬ ̸̤͑I̸̢̾ ̵̝̊t̸̳͆h̶̹́ë̶̲́ǹ̶̬ ̴͇̄p̴̨͠u̵̩͒l̶͉͑ḻ̸̓e̵̦̋ḍ̴̐ ̶̫̍t̴̮͗h̸̜̃ē̶̢ ̴̯͂b̷̪̕l̸̬͠ǎ̸͙ḓ̷͛e̵̮̍ ̸͖͒ó̴̘ȕ̷͓t̴̩̾ ̸̜͐o̶͈͋f̶̳̿ ̷̪͒t̶̪̿h̶͚͋ë̷͓́ ̶̅ͅf̸͓͑ḽ̶̓ò̷̲o̵̱̾ŗ̴͊ ̶̗̽ỏ̶̥f̵̮͝ ̴͉̀t̷͉̿h̷̜͒e̸̛͈ ̵͓̄p̸͇̕o̴̫͠õ̸̡ĺ̶̝ ̷̞͒w̸̗͒h̷͎͊è̸͎n̸͚̉ ̷̳͊a̷̝̓l̷̰͂ĺ̴͔ ̶̺̐o̸̜̊f̶̯̊ ̴̧͊a̸̭͊ ̶̟̽ś̷̤ú̶͍d̵̝̂d̴̥̑é̵̠ň̴̹,̴͓͊ ̵͇̐I̶̪͝ ̵̱͐w̴̞̍a̸̦͋s̴̩͐ ̶̛̻t̷̻͝r̴͓͗a̷͉͝ṇ̶̓s̴̮̽p̵̗͆o̴̡̐r̸̜̓t̷͚̍e̶͓̅d̵̝̐ ̵̣͠t̴̜͊o̴͓͂ ̴͉̀a̷͙̍n̸̪̽ ̴͖͋ō̶̺b̵̼̆l̸̹̑i̵̹̕v̴̠͐i̴̢̇o̴̡̎n̶̘͂-̷̪̑l̴̩͠ì̵̦k̴̬̆e̷̤̊ ̵͔͘l̴̰͂ỏ̸̟c̴̩̆ã̷͓t̸͔̓ī̶̡o̷͕͠n̵͉̄.̶̯̄ ̵̳͘T̴͖̈́h̶̩͗e̵̖̚ ̴̭͗a̶̬̅t̶̳͋m̸̹̾o̵̗̓s̸̡̔p̸̭͋h̶̪͝e̸̜͘r̴̯̚e̸̺͘ ̸͓̌w̵̱̽a̶̻͂s̷̺̀ ̸̪̀ǎ̷̰ ̴͚͋c̷̩̀r̷͎̔i̶͈̚m̵̨̍s̸̬̚o̶̩͗n̷̺͌ ̴̯͘r̶̹̚e̸̟̓d̶̢̅ ̷͇̀ȧ̶̩ñ̴̻ḋ̴̪ ̴͓͛t̷͕͝h̸̺̿e̶̲͒ř̴̤e̶̠̓ ̴͇̑ẁ̶̬a̶̙̔s̶̺̈́ ̸̙̄a̶̲͆ ̸̹̅p̸̠̉ȍ̴͉r̵͓̽t̷̮͆r̵̪̒á̷̜i̸͓͊t̸̨͐ ̷̪͐o̶̰͛f̸̼͘ ̸̜̄a̴̡͋ ̴̧́ľ̸͍i̴̢͠ģ̷̆ĥ̷̙t̴̖́ ̵̭̊ŕ̴̳e̵̗̽ḑ̷͗ ̸̡̾c̸͇̉l̴̬͝o̶̯̎u̸̫̐d̶͇͊.̶̟̚ ̴͓̃
I woke up from a horrible dream that I lost the race against the mask. The location I woke up in was different, however. The atmosphere was crimson red and there was a portrait of a light red cloud. I looked to my side and saw the mask right next to me. The mask grabbed the portrait and slammed it on my head, shattering the glass. A light red cloud then emitted from the broken portrait.
Suddenly, the text “The Purge” appeared in my vision. The light red cloud must be the entity of destruction as the ground around it was starting to blow up into nothingness. The mask floated there, laughing maniacally.
The mask looked at me and started trying to stab me with its vaccine. I dodged its attacks easily. The mask then pulled a pair of speakers out from behind it and started slamming me on the head with those. I took hold of the speaker wires and whipped the mask away from me. The mask gave up and dropped to the ground, completely tired. I grabbed the mask and broke it across my knee. That’s what it got for being downright evil.
Upon winning that fight, I was granted the ring of madness. I equipped the ring and watched as my body became monstrous. I then puked out a can of alcohol. The entity of destruction was interested in the can of beer and opened it. Then, the entity of destruction started drinking alcohol. The entity of destruction got so drunk that it started teleporting me across different worlds. The entity of destruction and I were being teleported until it lost its intoxication and started to destroy again.
The grass around the entity of destruction was being set on fire and exploding. I ran away from the entity of destruction as it was trying to detonate the ground beneath me. Eventually, I found a house with yellow walls and a red roof. I took refuge there. There was a magical-looking man in yellow clothing who I told about my situation. He completely understood my situation and cast a spell to make me immune to destruction and gave me a coin jar.
Leaving the house, I saw the entity of destruction approach me. It was trying to detonate me but it couldn’t. So the entity of destruction blew up the house. The magic man sat there on the toilet staring at me.
“What the hell man. I gave you the coin jar to trap the entity of destruction in you idiot. Now go do it.” Said the magic man.
I then opened the coin jar, and it sucked the entity of destruction inside. I quickly closed the lid of the jar. Now, the entity of destruction was finally trapped inside once and for all, and that mask was destroyed.
Published Dec. 18th, 2021