The Unnamed Protagonist


Osaka, Japan, December 26th, 2007. I needed to get to the trapezite for some money exchange. I was inside a computer sunken in a pond. I didn’t know the way to the trapezite so I had to ask people where to go. The first person I saw was a person in a frog hoodie. I decided to ask that person for directions.

“Where must I go to find the trapezite? I must exchange money.” I asked the frog hoodie person.

“Down aisle five. Aisle five indeed. You must go down aisle five. There’s only two aisle fives. One is correct. That’s right! We’re going through aisle aisle aisle five.”

“That was cryptic.” I thought.

The frog hooded person followed me over to the store inside of the computer. The store was vast, with ten entrances, five floral departments, and many shopping carts scattered about. It was a long walk but alas, I was there.

I was in the store. The atmosphere was incredibly busy. Most people were talking on cellphones. I couldn’t ask where aisle five was because everyone was busy on their phone. So, I had to find aisle five myself.

I looked around the store. I couldn’t find aisle five. Suddenly, a man jumped out of a recycling bin, holding a VoIP phone.

“It’s for you, not for me!” the telephone man said as he held the handset up to my face.

“Hello! I heard you were looking for aisle five. It’s nowhere to be found, for you! Hahahaha.” said the person on the other end of the phone.

Confused at that statement, I decided to leave the phone man alone. He appeared to be crazy. I don’t like having my time wasted when I’m trying to look for something.

I looked around the store some more. I found a room full of dollar bills and movies. I decided to take the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie and a few hundred dollars with me. After leaving that room, I felt dirty because I stole. No one was there to see me, which means I won’t get in trouble.

I looked around the store one last time and found aisle five. There were bubbles floating around with pieces of scrap metal littering the floor. There was also a pink door leaned up against one of the shelves. I then opened the door and was sucked through the doorframe.

I was now at an arcade. I saw bratty little children whining to their parents about leaving the arcade and fighting over who won their stupid little video game. Tickets, food, and soda spills littered the floors. The air smelled like buttery popcorn.

The frog hooded person had been following me the whole time. He asked where the restroom was. We then travelled to look for the restroom, but to no avail. We did find a Skee-Ball machine. The frog hooded person decided to urinate in one of the Skee-Ball holes. The urine must’ve tripped the sensor in the Skee-Ball machine because suddenly, tickets started pouring out by the hundreds.

The alarms of the arcade sounded. They must’ve thought we were cheating. Suddenly, security personnel came to detain us. We were cuffed and brought to the manager’s room.

“Now why did you decide to urinate on our machine, froggy boy?” said the arcade manager.

“I just needed to use the restroom. You all have no restroom restroom restroom. I wanted to use the restroom. That’s right! You won the lottery. Here’s your personal oblivion.” said the frog hooded person.

The frog hooded person then chanted “Pinball machine! Will rock you!”. Suddenly, we were teleported inside of a giant pinball machine.

In the pinball machine was an exit at the bottom. We were around the top of the pinball machine. We then saw a giant person playing the pinball machine. “Uh oh” I thought. We could easily have been killed by one of the balls. Luckily, the frog hooded person and I were the ones who escaped. The manager and security personnel were killed by one of the balls.

We left the pinball machine. We were at the pond where the sunken computer was. The pond was huge, and the water was pristine. But then, I heard a roar coming from behind me. It was a damn dinosaur! It started chasing me and the hooded frog.

We were chased for a good five minutes in the water. Then, I heard a crunch behind me. The dinosaur got hold of the frog hooded person and started eating him. But then, he turned into a bath bomb and popped inside the dinosaur’s mouth. The powder stunned the dinosaur and stained the water pink.

With the dinosaur stunned, I had the opportunity to escape. I swam through the pond to the end where the trapezite was. And eventually, I got there, after a long swim.

At the trapezite, I was transported to a heaven via their elevator. This was a heaven of riches, a place where I could do my banking at. Finally, I could exchange money.

Published Dec. 18th, 2021