The Unnamed Protagonist


Kampala, Uganda, January 18th, 2001. I was bored out of my mind. I am stuck in prison with nothing to do. My only form of entertainment is talking to my Gorilla friend and that does get exhausting after a while. My only other source of entertainment is when we get served food because I get to eat and speak with others in the cafeteria.

Lunch time eventually rolled around. I was eager to eat some more fish since it’s my favorite meal. But something tells me that I will get sick of fish really soon. I went over into the line, waiting there for a few minutes, then grabbing my fish. I then went to go sit down at a table. My Gorilla friend followed suit.

I sat down at the table and watched as a fish jumped out of one of the containers. Then, a guard went over, kicked the fish up in the air, and punched it back into the container while it was still in the air. The guard then came over to me, grabbed me by the shoulder, and spoke in a very mean voice.

“Did you see that? That's going to be you if you try escaping. Understood?” said the guard in a stern voice.

I gulped and tried to forget about what the guard did to me. For some reason, the fish today was amazing. I asked for seconds, and I got more fish because there was a surplus today. Today was a great day, only until my stomach started hurting. I went over to the restroom and started feeling sick.

At the restroom, I started puking. All the fish I ate was now in the toilet. “Great” I thought. Now I’ll be hungry unless I can hurry up and get some more fish to eat. But I saw the janitor walk in. The janitor stuck two fingers in the toilet water and touched his tongue.

“Mmmmm. I guess they’ll be having you work soon.” said the janitor.

“What work?” I asked.

“Oh, prisoners get released to Earth temporarily to do some work, then they get sent back here.”

That cleared up my confusion. The guards then sounded the bells to go back to the cells. I was disappointed that I wasn’t able to get more fish. I’ll be starving until dinner. I had to walk back to my cell with an empty stomach.

Back in my cell, I pondered what kind of work I’d be doing as a prisoner. Breaking rocks? Making license plates? I didn’t know. Then, one of the guards yelled “Work time!”. All the cell doors opened, and everyone left their cells.

“We’ll be sending you to Earth to slaughter a rampant army of pigs. They’ve been eating people and to be frank, we’re sick of seeing it happen. You will be given a keychain to kill the pigs with. Don’t get eaten yourself, however. Hahahaha.” announced one of the guards.

We were all given a keychain and were sent on Ophanims back to Earth where there were pigs scattered about. While on the Ophanim, I watched the pigs as they snapped their jaws at the air, looking like they were ready to eat us. I was scared. My life flashed before my eyes. I was worried that I’d be eaten by the pig army.

The Ophanim I was on landed. The pigs were ready to eat when suddenly, my Gorilla friend grabbed one of the pigs and tore it in half. The pigs started squealing and running while some charged at people, knocked them over, and ate through their chest to get to their organs. It was a bloody chaos I’ll tell you.

With my keychain in hand, I started slashing at the pigs. They started bleeding very badly and retreated. I made a plan with my Gorilla friend where I’d slash at the pigs to make them retreat and they’d accidentally run into him where he can tear them in half. It was the perfect plan.

As my Gorilla friend and I continued our plan, we started noticing that the pig population was dwindling. Which was perfect, that means our job was almost over with. Suddenly, a giant hog came over. It was as large as my Gorilla friend. The Gorilla had his work cut out for him. The two wrestled for a good few minutes. The giant pig then got tired and fell asleep. That’s when my Gorilla friend bit the pig in the neck and killed it. Blood was pouring everywhere.

“Welp, there’s no more pigs to slaughter. Everyone, march your butts over to the Ophanims.” said one of the guards.

We all walked over to the Ophanims and were swiftly transported back to the heaven.

We all had dinner and went back into our cells. Finally, I got to do something to cure my boredom.

Published Dec. 21st, 2021