The Unnamed Protagonist


Daegu, South Korea, August 16th, 2004. I was anxious about the crucifixion that I will partake in today. There was a great chance I’d die. But, if I survive for twenty-four hours, I will be set free. I must use my willpower to stay alive. All the other prisoners were worried about my safety as well.

I was being counseled by my fellow inmates. They suggested I focus now so I can get ready for the crucifixion. I did get to have a last meal before my crucifixion which will help me with my willpower. I decided to focus on what I wanted to eat before I possibly die.

After a few hours, the time for my final meal came. It was around lunchtime. I asked for a happy meal with some AR Kleen on the side to drink. They granted my wish, but a special guest came. It was Ronald McDonald!

“What are you doing here?” I asked Ronald McDonald.

“Ohh, I’m here to deliver your food. I also have a surprise up my sleeve for this entire prison.” Ronald McDonald said as he gave a cheeky smile.

I dug into my food. I got a girl’s happy meal toy which made me upset. I wanted to have the boy’s happy meal toy because it was a cool Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle figurine, not like any of that mattered right now. I then had to go to the restroom.

At the restroom, there was a walking shark. The shark grabbed me by the neck and flushed me down into the toilet. I felt my body slide down the toilet pipe as I fell into the sewer.

In the sewer, the smell was pleasant. The smell must be pleasant because I was in a heaven. The aroma was that of an apple pie. I then traversed through the sewers. All I found in the sewers were vicious crocodiles that roared whenever I walked by and feces laying around.

I decided enough was enough. I started getting sick of the crocodiles snapping at me. I climbed up a ladder I found. I was underneath a bed in my cell after I climbed the ladder. It would’ve been nice knowing there was an escape earlier.

I went out to the courtyard. The sky was pink, and the air was cold. A breeze came by and sent shivers down my spine. I started feeling a sense of panic. It was only one hour until my crucifixion. The inmates around me kept showering me with support and love. The guards told me that I’d be getting crucified in the cafeteria in front of the other prisoners and that the prisoners could stay out of their cell to watch me die.

Suddenly, I saw Ronald McDonald pull out a glass beer bottle with a dirty rag in it. He lit the rag on fire and threw it at a group of guards. The area caught up in flames and the guards died. Then, Ronald McDonald pulled a chainsaw out of his shoe and started charging at guards. The guards tried shocking Ronald McDonald, but it would only distract him for a split second.

The guards tried their best to stop Ronald McDonald, but they stood no chance. Ronald McDonald was too powerful for all of them. He kept running around killing the guards with no mercy. Then, the prisoners started rioting. The prison courtyard was an absolute mess. The guards had no idea what to do. Then, the guards brought out the hounds. Prisoners started running away but Ronald McDonald gave a nasty grin and started killing the hounds instead.

As blood and flames littered the courtyard, the guards finally came to their senses. They brought an armored bulldozer and ran over Ronald McDonald with it. The bulldozer didn’t do much to Ronald McDonald besides squishing him a bit.

“This is for the crucifixion inmates!” shouted Ronald McDonald.

Ronald McDonald ran over to a guard and held onto the guard’s tongue.

“What’s your favorite burger?” asked Ronald McDonald.

“Oh, the Whopper!” replied the guard.

In a fit of rage, Ronald McDonald ripped the guard’s tongue out and cut his head off with the chainsaw. Ronald McDonald then threw the tongue at another guard.

“Ha ha ha ha! Boo Hoo!” screamed Ronald McDonald.

Ronald McDonald was then jabbed with a vaccine by one of the guards and was paralyzed. The guards then came over to me and dragged me into the cafeteria. I gulped; I knew what was in store for me. My crucifixion.

I was staked to a cross and left to die. All the inmates gathered around and watched as I yelled in agony. I must use my willpower to survive this.

“You can do it!” yelled my Gorilla friend.

The encouraging chants increased my willpower significantly. The wait didn’t seem that bad now, granted I was in pain. I did not feel like giving up on life. I just kept focusing on being alive. I then started having visions of my dead body. I felt a sense of panic as I wanted to go.

After twenty-three hours and fifty-nine minutes, I was almost done with the crucifixion. Just one minute left. All the inmates were shouting encouraging chants at me. Then suddenly, I heard a timer go off.

“Welp, you’re free to go now. Ciao.” said one of the guards.

I was promptly released from the cross and was asked to change out of my jumpsuit. I thanked the inmates for their support and gave my Gorilla friend a hug. I thanked my Gorilla friend especially for all of the help he provided me with.

“I will always remember you!” I said to Gorilla.

“I will too.” Gorilla replied.

After all of that, I left the prison. I was taken back to earth on an Ophanim. I survived the crucifixion.

Published Dec. 21st, 2021