The Unnamed Protagonist


Kobe, Japan, April 27th, 2002. I was watching the news. The current event on the news was that someone robbed the bank. Upon hearing “robbery”, my brother came running to the room and we saw photos of the criminal.

“Did you rob the bank?” asked my brother.

“Do you think we’d be broke right now?” I replied.

The photos of the criminal on the television were eerily similar to me. I wonder who this doppelganger was. I had to get to the bottom of this. Nobody is going to stain my reputation ever. I want to fight and kill this doppelganger to teach him a lesson.

I set foot out the door, headed towards the bank. People who drove by in their cars gave me a sour look and stuck out their tongue. I was getting angry at this situation. I deserve more respect than this. Afterall, I wasn’t actually the one who robbed the bank, it was a doppelganger of me.

After entering the bank, people gave me even more dirty looks.

“Get out of here you damn crook!” said one of the people.

“I’m not the crook. The crook looks just like me for your information.” I replied.

“Oh, your voice is different. Never mind, you’re fine.” said the person.

People stopped giving me dirty looks and asked if I had any association with the crook. Clearly, I had no association with the crook if I was out looking to investigate him and his actions. Most people didn’t understand that and just generalized me to be the brother of the crook. I wanted to call all of them idiots and slap them but then I’d be arrested for assault.

“Do you have any idea of where the crook went?” I asked.

“We think he went to the next bank over.” the crowd of people replied.

“Great, thank you for the information. It is appreciated to the fullest extent.” I replied.

I went outside to find my way over to the next bank. The next closest bank was called “Earbud Rock Banking”. Suddenly, I found myself hit by a car. The last thing I remember hearing was sirens and people screaming.

I was at the hospital. I watched the news again and there again was that doppelganger, robbing Earbud Rock Banking this time. I slammed the remote on the table in a fit of rage. The remote didn’t even crack a tiny bit.

The nurse came in to give me some orange juice and cookies. Then, the nurse brought out the blood testing needle.

“Why?” I shouted.

“We need to test your DNA, just to make sure you aren’t the crook. You look awfully similar to him.” said the nurse.

I tried escaping but then I noticed my legs were bound to the bed I lay on. I was stuck and couldn’t go anywhere. Looks like I had to man up and take the blood test. Then, I watched as a doctor came in. The doctor rubbed a cotton ball over the blood drawing area and then slowly made the needle penetrate my skin. Except, this blood test was way more painful than the rest.

After that blood test fiasco, I was given more orange juice and cookies. I felt abnormally hungry and thirsty. Then, I eventually got full and sick of the snacks and decided to fall asleep.

After an hour nap, I woke back up to my room being painted orange. I asked why my room was being painted. The only response I got was “Your blood was deee-licious.”. Why did they drink my blood? I thought they were running a blood test. I guess not.

A nurse came in and gave me a bottle of taco sauce. I didn’t know what to do with the sauce. I decided to set the bottle of taco sauce next to my tired body. I then had the fleeting idea to use the taco sauce to dissolve the straps that bound my legs to the bed.

After pouring some of the taco sauce on the straps that bound my legs, they dissolved, and I was a free man. I then watched some more television because I was bored. I hid my legs under the blanket to hide the fact that I was freed from the straps. The nurse came in and fed me some more orange juice and cookies.

After my television binge, I got up and walked out of my room. The nurse that gave me the taco sauce came over and congratulated me.

“I knew you’d figure out what to do with that taco sauce!” said the nurse.

All the other nurses in the hallway gave the nice nurse and I dirty look. Angering me, I decided to punch a hole in the wall. I was swiftly kicked out of the hospital. Except, I saw someone in the waiting room who looked just like me. The person who looked like me laughed at me and stuck his tongue out. “That must be the crook!” I thought. I couldn’t do anything because I was being escorted out of the hospital by security.

I then came back home. I had very little idea of who the crook was. I need to find more information.

Published Dec. 22nd, 2021