The Unnamed Protagonist


N'djamena, Chad, June 21st, 2000. I was broke and I needed a place to stay. I was in hell, and I needed to look for hades. I had a dog tag with the words “Hades’ #1” on it. The dog tag was dropped by a doppelganger of mine when I confronted him. I had to speak to Hades about this dog tag. The trip to Hades’ Lair was going to take a while on foot, so that’s why I needed a place to stay, so I could rest myself for the journey to Hades’.

I tried looking for a cheap motel to stay at. I only had a hundred dollars on person. I don’t know if there are many motels in hell, but I do expect any to be fairly low quality; less than one star. There might be infestations, unsanitary conditions, and other disgusting atrocities that come with bad motels.

I had walked for miles before I found a gas station I could purchase a map from. Maps only cost ten cents, which was wonderful. I bought a map of hell and used the restroom. As I walked into the restroom, I smelled something God awful. It smelled like rotten glass.

After using the restroom, I left the gas station. I opened my map and put my finger atop the nearest motel. I hoped it wasn’t too expensive. I could only afford a motel that costs less than one-hundred dollars per stay.

Eventually, I found the motel I was looking for. It smelled like rotten cheese which was absolutely disgusting. I made my way up to the counter and pulled out my hundred-dollar bill.

“Hey, how long can I stay for a hundred dollars?” I asked the clerk.

“None, hahaha. I’ll hold onto that hundred-dollar bill while you go get some more money. It costs $200 to stay here a night. There’s a McDonald’s underneath the blood ocean you can work at for a day.”

Welp, now that my money was taken from me, I was now completely broke. I was forced to work at McDonald’s just so I can get my money’s worth back. I then left the motel after giving the clerk a dirty look. The clerk just smiled and waved bye to me.

I was furious. I got my money taken from me and I have to work at McDonald’s. This day is not going as planned. I went over to the beach, where the blood ocean was. The ocean was a mystic blue color, not blood colored as I had expected it to be.

I swam down into the ocean. There were many ugly looking fish with sharp teeth. I feared for my flesh around those ugly fish. Eventually I found McDonald’s in the blood ocean. It was crowded with cars and people entering the building.

Once I got to the McDonald’s, I noticed there was a “Help wanted” sign near the door. The manager saw me through the window and ran out to greet me.

“Welcome to McDonald’s! How may I help you?” asked the manager.

“I need to get a job here. Just for a day please.” I replied.

“Oh, thank the heavens. I’m the only staff member here and I’ve been working myself to death.” said the manager.

“Well, perfect. What can I do for a hundred dollars?” I asked.

“I want you to man the kitchen.” the manager replied.

I hurried into the restroom and changed into my new McDonald’s uniform. Then, I headed out to the kitchen. People were yelling at me to hurry up. I was trying to go as fast as I could, but this uniform slowed me down.

I was finally inside the kitchen. The food was not normal, however. The food was human and animal organs. The staff restroom was full of animal carcasses. I thought that sight was disgusting. I eventually started staffing the kitchen. It wasn’t that difficult at all. All I had to do was throw organs in the deep fryer.

After a few hours of cooking organs, the smell started nauseating me. I eventually vomited in the deep fryer. Luckily nobody saw me vomit in the deep fryer. Suddenly, I watched a rat jump into the deep fryer. But since this was hell, I think the rat is a bonus treat to anyone ordering. There were no cameras in the kitchen to have witnessed me vomit in the deep fryer either.

Eventually, my shift was over, and I got paid one-hundred dollars in cash by the manager. I swam back out of the McDonald’s and went back over to the motel.

At the motel, I was greeted by the same clerk. I asked why the motel stays were so expensive.

“We have a taxi service we provide for free whenever someone stays a night at our motel!” the manager said with a great big smile.

The taxi service will be useful to me. But for now, I need to rest.

Published Dec. 22nd, 2021