The Unnamed Protagonist


Paradise, California, July 17th, 2006. I needed to find the reason why I’m up in this heaven. I know I died, but how did I die? I must ask the god of this heaven why and how I died. This heaven seems oddly familiar as I’ve seen it in the sky numerous times. Except, I saw blue star-shaped pillows eating the clouds. I wonder what those blue pillows are there for?

I saw a monster made out of electrons sitting around on a bench. I decided to go ask the monster where the god of this heaven was.

“Do you know where the god of this heaven domain is?” I asked.

“I don’t know. Want me to help you find the god?” replied the electron monster.

“Sure.” I replied.

The electron monster got off the bench and started walking with me.

“So, what are you up in here for?” asked the electron monster.

“I don’t even know how I died, that’s what I’m trying to figure out. I must ask the god of this domain why I died. How about you by the way?” I replied.

“Oh, I failed Zeus’ mission for the last time and decided to hang myself. It was a tragedy but now I’m living in peace up here in this heaven.” replied the electron monster.

I felt a bit uneasy as to why the electron monster died but I decided not to ruminate over it. We eventually just kept walking around, casually chatting. Then, I saw a a tank riding through, accompanied by clouds that have eyes. The tank went over to the blue star pillows and started firing at them while the clouds were trying to electrocute the pillows.

The blue star pillows left. They might’ve been trying to eat the heaven. I’ll have to ask the god about the motive of those pillows. I kind of wanted to fight the blue star pillows too, but I had no weapons with me. Anyways, the electron monster and I kept walking.

The electron monster and I stumbled across a map of the heaven we were in. We located the god’s temple and commenced forth. But suddenly, a dog came running over to us.

“Food, food, food.” yelled the dog.

I was headbutted by the dog and I fell through the clouds. Then, my soul hit the Earth. I was dazed and confused by the impact. My back also hurt a lot. I then got up and started walking around.

The air was cold, and it was raining. What a miserable time to have fallen out of heaven. I must meet a god as well. I am doomed if I can’t get off Earth in time. Anyone who falls from heaven only has a day to get back up there, otherwise their soul is damned permanently.

I hurry up and start looking for a way back up to heaven. Then, I realized that there’s a trapezite bank nearby. Trapezite banks can bring you to a heaven. From that heaven, I can go back to the heaven where I was originally sent to.

I started looking for the trapezite bank. It had to be around there somewhere. I did find it, but... The trapezite bank was closed. I was doomed. After the realization that my soul would be permanently damned, I went to HD Supply, my favorite store.

At HD Supply, I sat down and wept. Customers there were staring at me funny because of my woe. Then, a robot came over and shot me with a laser beam. I instantly started sneezing. The robot then spun around in circles and rode away from me. My nose was in a lot of pain from sneezing. But it will help my case since people sneeze when they are crying. I’ll look extra sad and hopefully more people will try to help me.

Someone from the crowd of customers came over to ask why I was so sad.

“I fell out of heaven, and I have less than twenty-four hours to get back up to heaven otherwise my soul is permanently damned.” I replied.

“Oh, I can’t help you with that.” said the customer.

Damn it, I was stuck here until I found a way back up. In the meantime, I watched television on the television displays since my HD Supply was a combined shop with Best Buy. There wouldn’t have been any televisions if it weren’t for the best buy.

After a few hours of watching television, I remembered my circumstances. Maybe television does rot your brain, because it made me forget that I had to go back up to heaven, otherwise I’d be damned to hell forever. But here I am, stuck on Earth, not knowing any other way to heaven, still needing to talk to the god of the heaven I was in. Maybe I will find a way back up to the heaven.

Published Dec. 23rd, 2021