The Unnamed Protagonist


Fukuoka, Japan, December 9th, 2002. I was on the hunt for the four world rings. I had to collect the four world rings to get a heaven built for me. One of the rings was located at a heavily guarded Taco Bell. The other rings were located at an Alcohol Brewery, the North Pole, and a planet called Prism. I decided the Taco Bell was the best place to get the first world ring. The difficulty is extreme, but I won’t have to deal with the Taco Bell after I get the world ring.

I had a pig who was wearing doctor clothes as a friend. He has been following me ever since I went on the trek for the world rings. He learned pyrokinesis from me, and in return, he saved my hide from a bunch of mosquitoes. I could’ve died from anemia with the amount of mosquitoes that were present.

The pig doctor and I went over to the Taco Bell, we were hungry, so this is the perfect place for a world ring to be. Sadly, there were guards outside of the door so we couldn’t go in.

“Hey Mr. Guard, how about angry ducks?” the pig doctor asked the guards.

Then, I watched as the pig doctor chomped on both guards, eating them in one bite.

“Wow, that was amazing!” I exclaimed to the pig doctor.

“Thank you, thank you. It’s my specialty.” the pig doctor said as he grinned.

We were now able to access the interior of the Taco Bell. We looked through the window and saw magma on the floor, but the tables were perfectly intact. We walked in and then climbed up to the tables. The room was incredibly hot, and the kitchen was closed off. The kitchen being closed off led us to only one choice of where to go: the restroom.

We were in the restroom. One of the stalls was glowing green. We opened the stall and there was a wolf in there. The wolf was making human breathing sounds and was laughing at us.

“You’ll never get the world ring. Hiss.” said the wolf.

“Well, will you let us try?” I asked.

“Oh alright, yeah I have to let you go try since I said that.” replied the wolf.

The wolf stepped aside and let us access the toilet. The toilet water was colored lime-green and was glowing. The pig doctor and I hopped into the toilet. The wolf then asked if we needed the toilet flushed and we obviously said yes to that. The wolf flushed and said goodbye to us.

We were now in a Central Processing Unit. Guards were scattered about, chit chatting to each other and keeping an eye out over the horizon. The pig doctor and I looked behind us and saw a guard right there.

“Halt, you idiot!” yelled the guard.

Before the guard could blow his whistle, the pig doctor grabbed the guard by the neck and ate him in one small bite.

“Jesus Christ, how much can you eat?” I asked the pig doctor.

“Lots, if I’m hungry.” the pig doctor said while giggling.

We snuck through the Central Processing Unit over to a bathroom where we took the clothes of the guards we killed and put on the clothing. We were now “guards”. We walked by the other guards, scot-free. This was the most devious scheme I’ve ever pulled off, probably for the pig doctor too.

We made it over to a tower. The tower was made out of red and green metal. We entered the tower. The guards outside the tower let us in because we were wearing guard uniforms.

Inside the tower was a Taco Bell sauce factory. We had four doors to choose from: Mild, Hot, Fire, or Diablo. We had to make the right choice of door to enter, otherwise we’d have to backtrack and waste time. Since we couldn’t tell which door was the correct door, we tried the method of exhaustion.

In the mild sauce door was a walking zebra. The zebra gave us a dirty look and started hitting us on the heads with its newspaper. The newspaper didn’t hurt much but the problem is that the weapon could’ve been something way more dangerous, like a baton or club. We pushed the zebra onto its back and ran back out the door.

The next door the pig doctor and I entered was the hot door. The floor was made of glass, and it felt fragile. The pig doctor and I had to walk very carefully across the hallway as to not fall to our doom. But then we decided it was too dangerous, so we walked back out the door. We didn’t want to risk death when I was inches away from godhood.

We entered the fire door. The entire room was filled with green fire. We almost got burned so we left that fire room. It smelled like lime soda in there. The fire was probably benign if the room smelled like lime soda, but I digress.

We lastly entered the diablo door. Inside was a ring case. In the case, held a ring with a red diamond on it. “That must be one of the world rings!” I thought. Now that I have one world ring, I must find the other three.

Published Dec. 25th, 2021