The Unnamed Protagonist


İzmir, Turkey, Dec 10th, 2001. I was at a divine construction company’s office. I had collected the four world rings, which were required to build a heaven for myself. The divine construction workers were capable of building a heaven for me, so as long as I had the four divine rings to provide for them. It was a long journey finding the four world rings, but it was worth it. My friend, the pig doctor, was with me too.

I asked the divine construction workers if they needed me to provide any materials to build my heaven. The divine construction workers asked for concrete, clouds, and prayers. Those materials seemed easy enough to procure. I knew where to go to get the materials needed to build my heaven.

I left the divine construction worker company’s office and set foot towards Home Depot. Home Depot sells a whole bunch of concrete which means I’m in luck. Home Depot is my second favorite store, only losing to HD Supply. Home Depot is located in the big city, the city I live in.

I drove over to the big city, but first, I needed to go take care of my dog. I drove towards my house when I saw a giant packet of hot cocoa wreaking havoc over the neighborhood. I went back inside my house to grab a knife and then I stabbed the hot cocoa packet. Then I grabbed a big pot from my kitchen, filled it with water, and poured some of the hot cocoa powder into the water. I then boiled the water using my pyrokinesis powers. The pig doctor was thankful for the hot cocoa, and the neighborhood drank some as well, while the giant hot cocoa packet lay there in agony as it died.

I finally got to take care of my dog. I fed him, bathed him, and made him a little bed to rest on. But my dog did not want to stay at home. So, I decided to take my dog with me over to Home Depot. The pig doctor tried sitting on my dog for a ride, but I told him no. Then, the pig doctor started pouting at me.

I set foot towards Home Depot. The streets were incredibly busy with cars. I tried crossing but the cars just went faster when I tried. Then, the pig doctor tried running out into the street to get to the other side. He almost got hit when I had to push him out of the way of a speeding car. I got hit by a car myself after saving the pig doctor. The pig doctor was crying for help.

I woke up sitting on a wooden chair. The weather was snowy and there were construction materials scattered around the place. The building I was in was roofless and the flooring was made of stone. Then, a woman came over to ask if I was okay.

“Yes, I am okay. Just let me go.” I replied.

“No, I can’t let you go. Sit in this chair until the end of time. You got hit by a car.” said the woman.

“No, I can’t be like this forever. I must leave!” I exclaimed.

“Fine, fine, fine. You win, I can’t even keep you here because you would escape eventually.” replied the woman.

I was then freed from the wooden chair. I looked around at the construction materials. Then I walked around, looking for the name of this place. I went outside of the building, and I saw the words “Home Depot”. I saw the pig doctor standing outside in the cold. I asked why he was out there.

“They told me to wait for you out here. May I come in with you now?” asked the pig doctor.

“Yes, you may come in. I don’t know who told you that you can’t come in.” I replied.

The pig doctor and I both went back into Home Depot. We looked for the concrete section and found it once again. I asked the pig doctor if he could hold onto the concrete for me. The pig doctor then shoved a whole bunch of concrete in his mouth and swallowed all of it.

“Jesus Christ, are you sure you’re going to be able to move around like that?” I asked the pig doctor.

“Sure thing, bud!” replied the pig doctor.

Now we needed to collect clouds for the construction of my heaven. I decided it would be a good idea to throw the pig doctor up into the air and then he eats clouds in the sky. It was a genius idea. I then threw the pig doctor into the air, and he caught clouds with his mouth and swallowed them. It was a whole bunch of heavy catches but nonetheless, we succeeded in collecting clouds. Then we had to go collect prayers. I decided the church would be the best place to do this. I then went over to the church I knew that was nearby.

As I walked into the church, I was greeted by the folk who visited there. I walked into the praying room and started praying like my life depended on it. The pig doctor held his mouth over my head as I prayed to collect the prayers that were supposed to float to a heaven.

After an hour of collecting prayers, we went back to the divine construction company.

“We got the materials you asked for!” I exclaimed.

“Oh yeah, show us the materials then.” replied one of the divine construction workers.

The pig doctor burped up the construction materials.

“Just what we needed.” said the divine construction worker.

The construction workers fused all of the building materials together into a ball and launched it into the air with a catapult. Then, the ball broke into pieces midair and turned into my very own heaven. Finally, I have a heaven built for me. The journey was long, but it was worth it. Now I need to talk to Zeus.

Published Dec. 26th, 2021