The Unnamed Protagonist


Jinan, China, October 25th, 2009. I had to go return some food to my grocery store. The food I purchased had spoiled on the way back home when I was walking. I only knew the food was spoiling because of the pungent smell it produced. The food that spoiled was some cheese and orange chicken.

I was looking forward to eating my lunch but then it spoiled. I tried walking back to the grocery store but then a piece of rock candy started stalking me. Eventually I made it back to the grocery store. But, before I could enter, a burlap sack went over my head, and I was choked nearly to death.

I woke up in a graveyard full of doors to other heavens. I was in the god graveyard. I saw the rock candy dumping a bunch of coins over my head. Some of the coins were large and hit my head to where it hurt.

“Oww!” I yelled.

“Oh, so you’re awake?” replied the rock candy.

“What am I doing in the god graveyard.” I asked.

“You see all of these dead heavens? These will be you if you aren't careful. That’s all I have to say. Now find your own way out.” replied the rock candy.

I entered one of the doors. I was met with a heaven full of cut telephone wires and a broken temple. There was another door I could enter, however. I walked over to the door, looking around at the dim light that surrounded me. I then entered the door.

Below me was a pile of vomit. I jumped out of the puddle of vomit and nearly threw up after standing in the puddle. I looked around and found dull colored shapes with cracks in them, and the sky was grey. There was a large red pillow with a door on the side of it, along with some dead grass. I decided to enter the large red pillow’s door.

I was now in a land full of dead grass and torn pillows. Feathers littered the floor, and the grass was yellow. There were no visible signs of life anywhere. I then found a laptop sitting out in the middle of nowhere. I could tell it was a medium-end laptop, definitely not designed for any hardcore tasks. I tried using the laptop, and the monitor turned on. The monitor showed an image of a shrine. I climbed through the monitor and was brought to a new area.

I was at a shrine atop a mountain. I looked across the horizon and saw empty picnic tables. I climbed down the mountain and went back on my way to the grocery store. I saw the grocery store in the background, atop a hill.

I flew over to the grocery store. It was not that far of a fly, so I didn’t get tired easily. I landed in the parking lot of the store. Many cars were scattered about the parking lot, most of them parked incorrectly. I made a face of disgust and walked into the store.

With the spoiled food in my backpack, I tried returning it to the cashier, but they wouldn’t accept it. I tried begging the cashier to let me return it but no results were produced. I then grabbed the food and threw it across the aisle, making a huge mess. The cashier got up and had glowing red eyes. Then, laser beams were shot at me. I tried evading the lasers, but I got burned by them a few times.

“Food fight!” I yelled.

All of the customers around me started throwing food around the store, distracting the cashier. I decided to join in on the fun of the food fight. Soon, the entire store engaged in the food fight. Food littered the store’s floor. Soon, the floor became too slippery to walk on. I tried walking but I wiped out on a puddle of Sprite. My back hurt badly from that wipeout.

I then got up and flew around the store, announcing that the food fight should end. People stopped throwing the food and looked up at me in awe.

“How can you do that?” a person asked.

“I’m a god, I can fly.” I replied.

Everyone started cheering for me as I flew, so I put on a show for them. I flew in a figure eight and acted like one of the Blue Angels. Everyone threw money at me, but I couldn’t accept any of it, for I cannot abuse my powers to gain monetary value. Eventually, I ended the show, and everyone booed because I stopped flying. The store manager then came out of his office and greeted me.

“Sir, would you like your money back for that spoiled food? I absolutely loved your show!” the manager asked.

“Yes please, that’s what I came here for originally.” I replied.

“Alright, here’s your money back.” the store manager said.

Finally, I have my money back.

Published Dec. 26th, 2021