The Unnamed Protagonist


Cixi, China, August 14th, 2000. I need to get to the bottom of why my heaven was attacked. There was a large blue star pillow from Ikea, also known as a Famnig Stjarna, leading the army that attacked my heaven. I was luckily able to ward off the attackers before too much destruction was made. Maybe Zeus knows what was up with that attack.

I tried getting into Zeus’ domain, but it was locked. Then, I saw the same creatures attacking Zeus’ domain. I tried warding the creatures off, but they wouldn’t budge. I did see the Ikea tags on the Famnig Stjarnas, which confirmed my suspicions that the attackers originate from an Ikea. But why is Ikea so evil? Ikea is just a store you get furniture and food from. I decided to stop thinking about it and got back to the fray.

Eels with cologne came over to spray me in the eyes. My eyes were burning badly from the cologne blasts. The eels were there to support the other attackers. I then fell back down to earth, dazed and confused because of how strong the cologne smell was. I was knocked out cold.

I woke up to a fleet of airships in the sky. They were all shaped like beetles and had heavy guns on them. The armada of airships was the biggest I’ve ever seen; except they didn’t look friendly. Then, I watched as one of them aimed their gun at me. I narrowly dodged the missile attack.

I flew up to one of the airships and landed right on the front of it. The motherships were extremely large, they looked like they were hard to destroy. But, if I can destroy the motherships, then the rest of the armada would fall too. I ran towards the center of the airship I was in.

There was a door I had entered. Inside were Famnig Stjarna pillows that were controlling the ship. I burned the Famnig Stjarna pillows with my pyrokinesis, but they sounded the alarm. Suddenly, a crystal humanoid came out of hiding to attack me. I felt a strong magnetic wave around the attacker. Suddenly, the crystal humanoid lashed out at me with a belt. The hit from the belt stung my skin but it wasn’t fatal. Then, the humanoid pressed a button on the belt which made the belt erect spikes.

“Now we’re talking.” I said.

I grabbed my baseball bat and the crystal humanoid, and I walked to our sides in a circular motion. We were waiting for each other to strike. Then, the crystal humanoid tried slapping me with the spikes on its belt. I used my pyrokinesis to blow up the air next to the crystal humanoid’s body, sending it flying back. I then started breaking it with my baseball bat. And soon enough, it was in pieces. I decided to collect the crystal shards to sell later.

Suddenly, the airship I was on started to fall apart. I ran outside and watched as the airship started to catch on fire. I escaped easily because of my flight abilities. I then flew onto one of the motherships.

On the mothership were tall robotic screwdrivers, shooting nails at me with their nail guns. I dodged the nails and went over to the screwdrivers to attack them. Then, the screwdrivers pulled out keys and started trying to jab me with them. I was luckily able to climb up the screwdrivers and bend the tops of them, rendering them useless. I then entered the cockpit of the mothership.

Inside the mothership was the same setup, except the Famnig Stjarna pillows were larger. They tried stabbing me with their vaccines, but I narrowly avoided the jabs. I grabbed a vaccine from one of them and dosed the star pillow, rendering it paralyzed. The mothership then started exploding the moment I killed the Famnig Stjarnas.

Suddenly, someone teleported over to me and gave me a rocket launcher that could load multiple rockets. I then started shooting at the motherships, blowing them to pieces. Eventually, all of the motherships were destroyed. I then went back over to Zeus’ domain.

Zeus’ domain was still locked but there was an outside part I could contribute to the defense on. I saw the same eels with cologne and fried them with my pyrokinesis powers. The eels screeched in agony as they were burned. The gates to Zeus’ domain then opened after all of the attacking creatures were killed. So, I then went up to Zeus’ temple.

“Zeus, what happened?” I asked.

“Oh, nothing. It was just a puny little attack. Sorry I had to lock you out.” Zeus replied.

“It’s okay. Hope you know I don’t blame you.” I replied.

“Thank you for your understanding.” Zeus said.

“Now what does Ikea have to do with our heavens being attacked?” I asked Zeus.

“Here’s a book I want you to read. It’s the only printed copy ever, and I think it’s time for me to pass it down to someone. That someone being you.” Zeus replied.

The book had a large sapphire in the center and the title read “The Future”.

“Will this help me understand why my heaven is being attacked?” I asked Zeus.

“Yes, it will, now go.” Zeus replied.

I now have clarification on why my heaven was attack, granted it’s in book form.

Published Dec. 27th, 2021