The Unnamed Protagonist


Eldoret, Kenya, July 27th, 2005. I needed to find powerful gods to join my side in the fight against the Megastar. I could have armies of angels, people, and gods at my side when fighting the Megastar. Having an army would give me a fighting chance against the Megastar, and maybe the army is the win condition I need.

The first god I decided to talk to was Zeus. I know he’s the second most powerful god of all gods, just underneath the Ristar. I flew up to Zeus’ domain easily. My flying abilities have improved ever since I first became a god. Zeus’ heaven looked like it was at peace, for now at least.

In Zeus’ heaven, I climbed the holy stairs to Zeus’ room. The stair climb took a while as usual because there were hundreds of stairs, and they were all two feet tall. But I eventually got to Zeus’ room at the top of the temple.

“Zeus! I need your help!” I exclaimed.

“With what?” Zeus replied.

“I need you to join my army!” I exclaimed.

“Why?” Zeus asked.

“To fight in the war against the Megastar. That’s why!” I said.

“Now, I’m the second most powerful god, but I fear the Megastar.” Zeus replied.

“But you’ll be in an army of gods, you won’t be the only one fighting with me.” I said.

“You know what, thinking about it now, maybe we do have a fighting chance of beating the Megastar.” Zeus replied.

“Excellent, thank you very much.” I replied.

Now that I have Zeus on my army, we could be unstoppable, but I still need to find gods to join my army. The next god I decided to talk to was the god of chugging. He drinks so fast, it’s unbelievable. He holds the world record for chugging a two-liter soda. The god of chugging’s domain was underwater, fitting for his title.

I then went over to the ocean but was stopped by a park ranger.

“The ocean is off limits, sorry bucko.” the park ranger said.

“But why?” I asked.

“The god of chugging is participating in a chugging competition underwater and does not want to be disturbed.” the park ranger replied.

“Oh, may I come back later?” I asked.

“Yes, give me your phone number and I’ll notify you.” the park ranger replied.

I showed the park ranger my phone number and he programmed it into his device.

“Thank you!” I said.

“You’re welcome. Now remember, no taking beach stuff home.” the park ranger replied.

“Gotcha.” I replied.

I needed to find a way to pass the time. So, I decided to go hike through the forest nearby. The forest was very dense but there was a trail I could hike on. So I went over to the trail.

In the forest, I saw goblins running around. I kept hearing snickering coming from the bushes. When suddenly, I was trapped. The goblins had trapped me in a fish net. I tried to burn the fishnet down, but I couldn’t as they fire-proofed it. The goblins then came over with knives and daggers.

“Hehehe. Let’s take him to our cave.” one of the goblins said.

“Sure thing!” another goblin said.

The goblins cut the fishnet down and dragged me over to their cave. I couldn’t pull the fishnet apart because it was reinforced. After that, I exhausted every way I could escape. Then, one of the goblins hit me square on the head with a rock. I was knocked out.

I woke up inside a dark cave.

“Ah, so it appears you woke up.” an obese man said.

“What am I doing here?” I asked.

“I am the god of chugging, and I hear that you wanted to meet me?” the god of chugging asked.

“Yes, yes! But why did you need to talk to me like this?” I asked the god of chugging.

“That park ranger is a phony. Did you give him your phone number?” the god of chugging asked.

“Yes?” I replied.

“When he calls, block the number immediately.” the god of chugging replied.

“But why?” I asked.

“He plays a very high-pitched sound through the phone, killing anyone who hears it.” the god of chugging replied.

“Oh, thank you.” I replied.

My cell phone started ringing. It was the park ranger calling. I immediately declined and blocked the phone number.

“Speak of the devil.” I said.

“Hahaha, good job.” the god of chugging replied.

“Now, can you join my army of gods against the Megastar? I already have Zeus who joined my army, in fact, he’s the first god to have joined.” I asked the god of chugging.

“Sure thing. The Megastar has been attacking my heaven recently because I’m the third most powerful god. That’s right! You know me by sheer luck. I do want to get revenge on the Megastar.” the god of chugging replied.

“Thank you so much. Our efforts will be fruitful.” I said.

“I’ll rally up some of the gods I know to help you out.” the god of chugging said.

I now have two powerful gods in my army. And the god of chugging is going to look for more gods to join my army. I feel successful. Now I just have to find the Ristar to join my army and I’ll be set.

Published Dec. 28th, 2021