The Unnamed Protagonist


Kurashiki, Japan, October 29th, 2004. I had to provide an amazing performance on stage. The crowd was hungry for content, and I was the star of the show. The director of the show was a god, the god of directing. I was chosen to be the star of the show because of my godhood.

I walked up on stage and bowed to the crowd. Everyone cheered for me, it was a heartwarming feeling. Then, everyone started chanting for the show to start. I hid behind the curtains because I wasn’t ready for the show to start, even though I had prepared an hour prior.

I dressed into my clown costume and started making honking sounds with my big red nose. Nobody was amused at my performance. Feeling sad, I walked back into my room and started breaking down crying.

“Why would they do that to me. I thought I was the star of the show. Everybody should love me.” I told myself.

The director then came into my room.

“That was a horrible performance. I hope you know you just wasted a lot of time.” said the director.

“It wasn’t my fault your show writing sucks mister god of directing.” I replied.

“That’s it, damn it! I’m going to shrink you and shove you inside of this speaker. Don’t ask what’s in there, you’ll just have to find out. This is your punishment. I’ll let you out when I think you’ve learned your lesson.” the director said.

I was shrank and thrown inside of a wooden speaker. It was extremely dark, and I couldn’t see, so I used my pyrokinesis for light. A mushroom village became apparent when I had a light source. Very skinny spiders crawled out of the mushrooms and greeted me.

As the spiders started crowding around me, I heard something loud in the sky. It was a comet, and it was headed right towards the spider village. I flew up and burned the comet, melting it entirely. The spiders then rejoiced and welcomed me back.

“We’ll thank you by holding a festival for you!” one of the spiders said.

Then, a large spider with a crown came out. It appeared to be the royal spider of the village.

“Thank you for saving our village. I agree with that spider, we’ll hold a festival for you.” said the royal spider.

I was then prompted to enter the royal spider’s throne room, where I was escorted by spiders with spears. Suddenly, the spears were held to my neck.

“Hahaha, we got you now.” the royal spider replied.

The spiders unzipped their costumes to reveal themselves as armored Famnig Stjarna pillows. I couldn’t burn the Famnig Stjarna pillows because they were armored. I tried to roast the Famnig Stjarna pillow’s armor in an attempt to make it too hot for the pillow, but I failed. The metal must be heat-resistant.

I exploded with fire just to push the Famnig Stjarna pillows away. The rest of the Famnig Stjarna pillows were unarmored which means I can burn them. I then blasted fire at the Famnig Stjarna pillows, burning them all to a crisp.

“Halt! I didn’t know my subjects were fake.” the royal spider said.

“Yeah, apparently, they are. Well, they’re dealt with now. Sorry for your loss.” I replied.

The royal spider then started crying. I tried cheering it up, but nothing would work. I then told it that I’d take it outside of the speaker world if it stopped crying. The royal spider immediately cheered up after hearing that from me.

“Oh, really?” the royal spider said with glee.

“Yes, really.” I replied.

Suddenly, I felt my body grow in size. The speaker that enclosed my body broke into pieces. The royal spider grew in size as well.

“I knew you’d learn your lesson.” said the director.

“What lesson?” I asked.

“To be kind with your words. That’s what lesson I wanted you to learn.” the director replied.

“Oh, well, thank you for releasing me.” I replied.

“Now, we’re having a Famnig Stjarna invasion at the very moment. I’d like you to fight them off.” said the director.

I ran out onto stage and found that the Famnig Stjarna pillows were wreaking havoc. I started blasting them with fire, burning them all to crisps like I had done earlier. Then I realized I could actually continue the show. I whistled and pointed towards myself. The Famnig Stjarna pillows came flying right at me.

I then blasted the Famnig Stjarna pillows with fire of different colors, blasting them with as many colors as you can think of. The crowd’s eyes lit up in awe as they watched all of the rainbow fire on the stage. Eventually, all of the Famnig Stjarna pillows were burned, and the audience finally got to watch a good show.

Published Dec. 28th, 2021