The Unnamed Protagonist


Toda, Japan, November 13th, 2001. I need to collect some salmon. To find some salmon, I must go to the river and catch some fish. The river nearby has salmon running upstream, which is perfect given my current circumstances. I really want some salmon for dinner. I don’t have any fishing gear except for my hands, so I’ll wade through the river to catch some salmon.

I was lying in bed when my brother came running over to me.

“What?” I asked.

“The salmon are swimming upstream right now!” my brother proclaimed.

“I know that, why do you think I was planning on going fishing with you today?” I replied.

“Oh.” my brother replied, embarrassed.

I got out of bed and put my fishing overalls on. The overalls I had were specifically designed for me to be standing in water without getting too wet. I then went to the restroom and changed into my overalls. As I sat on the toilet, I got a vision of a black star with a crown being crushed in a toilet and random Ikeas. I shook off the visions and went about changing my clothes.

After I got changed, I was ready to travel to the river. I grabbed my house keys, a snack, and some money. I then called my brother to come out of his room. He hurriedly opened the door and ushered me to leave. I then left my house.

The weather was cold outside and rainy, perfect for fishing. My brother and I hopped into my vehicle, and we started driving. We noticed a donkey and trojan horse stalking us, but we didn’t mind it. We then got on the road. The sky instantly turned dark.

We were driving in the dark when my brother looked through the rear-view mirror and noticed the donkey and trojan both smoking a blunt. Suddenly, the trojan and donkey started racing each other, so I decided to race them as well. The trojan and donkey were running significantly faster than my vehicle.

After twenty minutes of racing, the trojan got tired and my car accidentally hit the said trojan. The trojan blew up all over the place and my car window shattered. There was blood and guts everywhere. The place was stained orange and red. I then had to walk in the dark with my little brother to the river.

Two bible wielders came following my little brother and I when we were walking to the river.

“Hello, would you take a moment to hear about our god?” one of the bible wielders asked.

“I am a god, and I know many other gods. What gives?” I asked.

“Oh, thank a heaven. We’re glad we get to meet a god in person.” one of the bible wielders said.

“So, what do you want.” I replied.

“We want to pray on your behalf.” the other bible wielder said.

The bible wielders started suddenly convulsing on the floor. I felt my power growing, but at the same time, I was worried for the bible wielders. I asked if they were okay, but I got absolutely no response from them. I then tapped one of them.

“I will capture your soul.” one of the bible wielders said.

Then, I saw two demons fly out of the bodies of the bible wielders.

“Yuck!” one of the demons exclaimed.

Both of the demons flew away in disgust.

“Oh, thank you so much.” the bible wielders both said.

“You’re welcome. Now why did that happen?” I asked.

“We were in hell and a demon was trapped in our bodies. We went to Hades, and he said we needed to be touched by a god other than him.” the bible wielder said.

“Oh, well, you’re welcome.” I added.

The bible wielders then left in peace. My brother and I got back to walking over to the river. Then, the sky turned bright again. The rain started pouring harder, so my brother and I took out our umbrellas and held them above our heads.

We were now close to the river. There was a trail on a hill we were on that extended to another hill. I found a skateboard near the trail, so I took it and rode down the hill. The skateboard went fast down the hill and I almost fell.

Now that I was at the bottom of the hill, I had to climb up the next hill. I then walked up the trail over to the other hill. I looked to my right side and saw that the dropdown to the river was extremely steep. Then, I got to the top of the hill.

On the top of the hill was a pathway down to the river. I climbed down the pathway as it was very steep. I then was on the bank of the river. I jumped into the river and started swimming with my cellphone in my hands. “Oops” I thought. I tried swimming back to my brother to hand him my cellphone, but I couldn’t swim over there easily so I swam to the other side and placed the cellphone on a rock. Suddenly, my little brother shouts at me.

“Breaking news! Man swims to the other side of the river and places his cellphone on a rock!” My little brother exclaimed.

I was extremely confused. Then, I started looking for fish to grab. I was swimming, waiting for a salmon to come.

After a while of waiting for some salmon to swim by, I gave up. Suddenly, a man threw a salmon at me from on top of the hill.

“Here, catch!” the man exclaimed.

The salmon the man threw hit me in the face before I caught it. Now I have a dinner salmon to eat.

Published Dec. 31st, 2021