The Unnamed Protagonist


Chandrapur, India, November 27th, 2004. I was trapped inside of a cookbook. I became trapped when I was cooking a meal. I just so happened to open the cookbook and I was sucked inside, leaving no trace of me behind. Now I must escape the cookbook before my house burns down. The bright side of being trapped inside of a cookbook is that now I get to eat the foods they show pictures of. I couldn’t waste much time because of my imminent doom due to my house burning though.

I was eating a piece of chicken when a flying pig came over to me. I looked behind as I heard the wings of the pig flapping. Then suddenly, I was slapped right across the face by the pig. The pig started squealing and talking to me at the same time. All I could make out is “let me try some” from the pig’s mouth.

“Fine, I’ll let you try some!” I exclaimed.

The flying pig immediately stopped squealing and it started to dig into the chicken with its mouth. The place was an absolute mess the moment the pig started to eat the chicken. The piece of chicken was giant compared to me, so I just snuck over to the other side and started eating more chicken. Then, I saw the pig fly over to me and squeal some more.

“Mine!” the flying pig squealed.

The flying pig then grabbed me by the neck and started flying me over the ocean. I saw giant pieces of seafood and begged to be dropped but the pig was too stubborn. Then, I was dropped into a pig kennel with snakes and pigs in it.

In the pig kennel, I watched as the snakes bit the pigs and the pigs were passing out from the snake poison. The snakes had a fondness for me, however. The snakes gathered around me and started chanting “our savior!”.

“Why am I your savior?” I asked.

“The pigs have been eating our eggs and we need help slaughtering them.” one of the snakes said.

The snakes then started chanting the word “savior”. I then watched as a snake laid an egg and a pig ran over to eat the egg. The snake that laid the egg started crying and it slithered over to me hurriedly.

“See? See!” the snake said.

“I’ll put an end to this.” I replied.

I then suddenly heard “You’ll die. I love you, come love me back.” from right next to me. Looked to my side and saw nobody there to talk to me. I was confused but my thoughts got back on track. I saw a larger snake approach me.

“You’re of the ox.” the larger snake said.

I was swiftly hit upside the head with a mallet and knocked unconscious.

I woke up an hour later inside of a doctor’s room. I saw a pig dressed in a doctor’s outfit walk my way. I recognized the pig in the doctor outfit as one of my old friends.

“Hello!” I exclaimed.

“Oh my god, I haven’t seen you for a long time!” the pig doctor exclaimed.

We both ran over to each other and high-fived.

“So, what have you been up to lately?” I asked the pig doctor.

“I became a real doctor, so my clothing isn’t just a costume anymore.” the pig replied.

“Congratulations on becoming a doctor.” I replied.

“So, what have you been up to?” the pig doctor asked.

“I killed an evil god called the Megastar. Right now, I’m trying to escape from this cookbook.” I replied.

“Oh, I forgot I was in a cookbook.” the pig doctor replied.

“Yeah, have any knowledge on how to get out of here?” I asked.

“There’s a pit in the middle of the seafood ocean where you can drop down and you’ll fly out of the cookbook.” the pig doctor replied.

“Oh, thank you so much.” I replied.

I then walked out of the pig doctor’s office, saying goodbye.

Outside, I was met with the same flying pig I saw earlier.

“Thank you for letting me eat that chicken!” the flying pig exclaimed as he squealed.

I was then escorted over to the chicken bones by the flying pig.

“See! See! I ate it! I ate it! Hehehe.” the flying pig exclaimed.

“Yes, I see the bones. You did eat it. Want a medal or something?” I replied.

“Yes! Give me a medal. I earned it.” the flying pig replied.

“I was joking, relax.” I replied.

“You will give me a medal right now!” the flying pig squealed.

I was then picked up again by the flying pig and I was flown over the seafood ocean. I was then dropped into the pit the pig doctor talked about earlier. I fell through the pit and was thrown out of the cookbook. I finally escaped the cookbook, granted, under odd circumstances. I wonder how the pig doctor got into the cookbook. Maybe it’s because the cookbook world I was sucked into is universal to all cookbooks.

Published Jan. 1st, 2022