The Unnamed Protagonist


Kolkata, India, March 18th, 2003. We were celebrating the 4th of July. It was a huge party with lights, food, lots of people. I tried some of the pork and it was the best pork I have ever tasted. I was in a very good mood that day. However, there has been this odd television man with a sinister smile wearing a black tuxedo following me. I have been extremely suspicious of others lately. Maybe they're working with the television man; I must stay vigilant.

I have $50k in life savings. Maybe I should spend it all on the food here, all of the food is so delicious and is worth the money. In one fell swoop, I spent all of my life savings on pork; making myself fat. After eating all of the pork, I realized that it could have been poisoned by the television man. I immediately stuck my finger down my throat to try and vomit the food out but it didn't work. I got upset because I was afraid I was going to die so I started lashing out at others. The cops were called on me and I was promptly thrown into the back of the cop car and sent off to jail.

"Now why did you do this?" Asked the author who cuffed me.

"They're poisoning my food", I replied. I knew the television man was poisoning my food, there was no doubt about it. I knew I'd die soon, just not knowing when drives me nuts. I'd much rather know when I'm going to die rather than know "soon".

"Now, nobody is going to be poisoning your food. Nobody would do that to you specifically. But nonetheless, you're still going to jail." Said the other officer in the vehicle. I was afraid that I wasn't going to get out of jail for a long time.

At prison, I was lonely. I had nobody to talk to except for myself. It was my birthday in a few days so I was delivered a one-pound bag of jelly beans. I ate the blue raspberry and cherry-flavored jelly beans first because those were my favorite. I then grabbed a handful of jelly beans and I threw them at the next cell. I suddenly heard thumps on the door. "Oh no," I thought. I knew I was in for some trouble tomorrow.

The next morning, I made a deep gulp as I knew I was going to get beat up. I went in line for breakfast. Many large men were in front of and behind me. I was afraid of the men as they could lash out at any moment like wild beasts. I grabbed my breakfast and sat down at the tables. Two large men approached me. "Those must be the men I threw jelly beans at", I thought. They started walking towards me faster, with red faces and steam coming out of their ears. I was about to make a beeline but they calmed down immediately and shook my hand.

"Why are you doing this?" I said.

"We just wanted to thank you for the jelly beans, you got any more?" Asked the inmates.

"Yes, I have some more", I replied back.

"Great, can we have some more then?" Asked the inmates.

"Here you go", I said as I dumped some of the candies in their hands.

"Thanks, you rock! Now watch this." Said the inmates. One of the inmates grabbed a garbage bin and busted the guard's window open. Now the alarms sounded. Every inmate proceeded to throw a fit, break tables, throw objects; you know, the usual prison riot. I grabbed my bag of jelly beans back out of my pocket and ate some more.

"Eat the black jelly bean, eat the black jelly bean." I heard whispered in my ear. I didn't want to eat the black jellybean because they're gross. I was then upset at how someone even dared ask me to eat the black jelly bean. I threw the pack of jelly beans and they all rolled into a room with the door cracked open. I decided to investigate the room. And I was only able to go there because the guards were distracted.

The moment I entered the mysterious room, the door locked shut and the lights turned off. I was afraid. What is the meaning of all this? Why am I now locked in this room? Suddenly, a candle with a blue and purple fire was lit. The entire room was filled with a majestic purple light. I looked around and I saw the television man. He had quite the sinister smile I remembered. The television man uncovered a wheel of fortune. On the wheel of fortune read "Death", "Escape". I knew I was gonna have to spin the wheel if I wanted to escape. I then spun the wheel, it landed on death. I knew that damn television man was going to be the death of me, just maybe not via food poisoning. I hadn't died yet, but I ate the food.

I begged the television man for mercy, telling him I have so much to live for. He decided to let me go after sighing. He then told me to eat the black jelly bean. I didn't want to eat the black jelly bean because of its disgusting black licorice flavoring but I ate it anyway. A door then appeared on the wall, leading to the outside world.

"Proceed. But don't make me regret this. I swear." Said the television man.

I exited the door and was outside of the prison. I had to run away from the guards that were outside of the prison patrolling. Luckily, I was fast and they weren't able to keep up. On the way back to the party, I found the television man stalking me again. I asked him why he was doing that.

"To keep an eye on you, that's all." the television man said. I don't know why I needed anyone to keep an eye on me, I'm perfectly innocent except for that incident I had earlier. I kept walking back home after the talk.

I was now back at the party. It was over. I had to clean up the entire mess since nobody had picked it up. "What idiots and slobs", I thought.

Published Nov. 6th, 2021