The Unnamed Protagonist


Podolsk, Russia, October 20th, 2002. I was in a haunted house in the middle of a cornfield. I had to find my way out of the haunted house, otherwise I’d meet my doom. Scattered across the house were scary Halloween monsters such as ghosts, skeletons, zombies, et cetera. The monsters were out to eat me, and I can’t kill them for they are undead. The haunted house is giant, and I’m stuck in the middle of it too. Rumor has it is that there’s only one way out, and that’s the chimney. I can’t burn the house down otherwise I’d be burned down with the house as well.

Rats scurried across the floor as I walked around the haunted house. Then, a skeleton came over to bite me. I quickly slapped the skeleton, leaving mess of bones on the floor. I heard the words “I love you so much” next to me, but there was no possible source of the speech. I then ran away from the scene, hopefully not bumping into another monster. Lo and behold, I did bump into another monster. I had bumped into a zombie. The zombie quickly started chasing after me but it couldn’t catch up to me which I was grateful for. I then hid inside of a closet, hoping the zombie would not smell me.

After five minutes of waiting in the closet, I peeked out the crack and the zombie wasn’t there. I then walked out of the closet only to trip over a rat. The rat I tripped over died because of how heavy I was. The rat made a crunch sound when I tripped over it, which alarmed the other monsters. I then went back inside the closet, hoping for the best.

When I re-entered the closet, a wizard was in there.

“Hey! Want some candy?” the wizard asked.

“Sure!” I replied.

The wizard gave me these small little candies that were an assortment of different colors. I then started munching on the candy. The candy was extremely sour and burned my mouth. I then swallowed the candy. The candy burned my throat on the way down. “Damn, that’s some sour candy” I thought to myself.

Moments later, I started seeing colorful lights appear from under the closet door. I went out to investigate. I saw all of the monsters dancing at a party.

“Hey bucko. We won’t eat you. Want to join our party?” one of the zombies asked.

“Sure!” I replied.

I was then given a flower necklace and a drink. We all partied so hard. I nearly passed out from how much partying we did. We partied well into next morning.

I woke up with a headache. I immediately ran over to the garbage can and puked.

“We partied so hard last night!” one of the zombies said.

“Yeah, we did, now are you going to chase me and try to eat me or what?” I asked.

“Oh, right, we’re supposed to eat you. I’ll give you ten seconds.” the zombie replied.

I realized what I had just said. I tried telling the zombie to call it off, but he refused to, as he was stubborn. I then ran away from the zombie, seeking the closet I was once hiding in. I then found the closet and ran inside. The zombie then finished counting down from ten.

“Ready or not. Your brains are mine!” the zombie exclaimed.

In fear, I let out a little shriek. The zombie immediately heard this and came walking my way. I kept hearing footsteps creaking on the wooden floorboard. Then suddenly, the closet door opened, and the zombie roared at me.

The moment the zombie opened the door and roared; I kicked the zombie’s head off with my god strength. I then started running away as the zombie was trying to put its head back on. Then, the skeleton I had kicked into pieces earlier put itself back together and started to try and bite me again. I charged through the reassembled skeleton, knocking it to pieces one more. I then almost tripped over the bones that were left on the floor by the skeleton.

I saw a ghost down the hall. The ghost started flying towards me, but I flew away faster than it could ever dream of flying. I then found myself in a room with a hole in the top. But a ghost blocked the hole in the ceiling. Suddenly, the door got kicked open and a bunch of monsters came swarming into the room. Just as I was about to be eaten by the monsters, the ghost said “I’ll let you go free! I don’t even like the taste of people!” and then the ghost got out of the way of the ceiling hole. I then flew out, with the monsters just barely missing my skin.

I was now out of the haunted house. That was one of the scariest experiences of my entire life.

Published Jan. 1st, 2022