Iwakuni, Japan, March 16th, 2005. A dinosaur was chasing me and then I got trapped in a laptop. The dinosaur appeared to be a chubby tyrannosaurus rex with long arms and a black ball on its nose. I tried to hide from the dinosaur, but it would immediately find my hiding location via method of exhaustion. In fact, I was starting to get exhausted myself. I desperately needed to hide somewhere that the dinosaur couldn’t find me at. Then it hit me, I could hide inside of a laptop. So, I typed “Fall Free” into the internet search bar and was immediately sucked inside of the laptop.
Inside of the laptop, I was confronted by a security guard.
“Come with me, right now.” the security guard commanded as he grabbed me by the shoulder.
“What did I do?” I asked.
“You’re going to the virus vault to get inspected.” the security guard replied.
“But why do I need to be inspected?” I asked.
“Because you don’t come from our filesystem. You appear to have been downloaded directly from the internet, thus I need to get you scanned.” the security guard replied.
Defeated, I let the security guard drag me over to where he wanted me to be. Along the way to the virus vault, I saw a whole bunch of people gambling at slot machines, and dogs eating avocados. I asked if I could take part in eating avocados, but the security guard said I’m not a dog.
I was now at the virus vault. I had to sit down cuffed in a chair, along with many other people. Apparently, I wasn’t the first person who tried searching “Fall Free” and got sucked into the computer. I then waited for a while.
After many hours of waiting, the line only moved by a few people. I then saw a security guard walk right up to me.
“You’re next.” the security guard said in a stern voice.
“You’re next for what?” I asked.
“To be scanned by the mother antivirus.” the security guard replied.
“Who is the mother antivirus?” I asked.
“The mother of this computer system. She oversees everything. She is an all-seeing eye.” the security guard replied.
I then heard “They’re going to kill you.” coming from around me. The voice I heard was distinct in that it didn’t sound like anyone talking next to me and that it was directly at me. I was then pulled into a room by the security guard. All of the other captured people were staring at me with fearful eyes.
I was confronted by the mother antivirus. The mother antivirus is a giant eyeball, that’s probably why the security guard says she is an “all-seeing eye”. The mother antivirus then started staring me down, scrutinizing every inch of my physical form.
“He’s clear.” the mother antivirus said.
“Why am I clear?” I asked.
“You aren’t a virus. I scanned your code and found no malware properties. We would have had to destroy you if you were a virus.” the mother antivirus said.
“Well, thank goodness I’m not.” I replied.
Suddenly, the same dinosaur I had seen earlier busted into the building, making a huge mess of drywall and ceiling tiles. The dinosaur then roared and looked directly at me, like it was ready to eat. The dinosaur licked its lips and started running after me. I ran but slipped on a banana peel that was out on the middle of the floor. The dinosaur then stuck its cold wet nose over my back. I then heard a voice yell “I love you” in my ear. I was more afraid of the voice than the dinosaur.
Just as the dinosaur was about to bite me, it got zapped by one of the security guards. The dinosaur roared loudly and started chasing the security guard. I then blasted the dinosaur with fire when it ran away from me. The dinosaur’s scales burned to a crisp as it roared even louder. The dinosaur then conflicted on who to attack first, me or the security guard. Then, the dinosaur hit the security guard with its tail and started chasing me.
While running this time, I avoided the banana peel on the ground and ran faster than the dinosaur could. I ran out the doors of the virus vault and escaped from the dinosaur. Then, the dinosaur busted through the doors and came to chase me again. But, the mother antivirus shot the dinosaur with a laser and it exploded into bits of reptile meat that scattered the place.
“What a nasty malware.” the mother antivirus said as she laughed.
“Yeah, how nasty. Now how about we feast?” I asked.
Everyone who was captured was promptly uncuffed and we all ate the pieces of dinosaur that scattered about the floor. Then, I was escorted out of the laptop, via the internet browser. I was shown a door to leave the computer. I’m now free from the laptop.
Published Jan. 2nd, 2022