The Unnamed Protagonist


Erode, India, September 19th, 2005. I need to give my stuff away to my friends if I’m going to leave this planet soon. I already have plans on who should get what of my stuff. I already have everything collected and in the back of my vehicle. I hope everyone doesn’t worry about me. I’m just going to go away. I simply cannot live on this planet anymore. I constantly live in fear and anguish.

The first person I’m giving away stuff to is my good friend the pig doctor. I have a replica of a human skeleton he could make use of in his office. I bet he loves investigating the human body as he is a doctor. There’s a lot to learn about the human body from just a model alone. I know the pig doctor will love the human skeleton replica I’m giving him.

I got into my car and drove off to the doctor’s office. Along the way, I saw eyes staring at me, telling me to jump out of my vehicle and that everything would be okay. I decided not to as I need to give away my stuff. The drive to the doctor’s office wasn’t that long.

At the doctor’s office, I took the skeleton out of my car and took it inside. All of the patients in the wating room were looking at me funny. “They all hate you” I heard. I started to tear up a bit from what I was told. I then asked to meet with the pig doctor.

I was now in the pig doctor’s office.

“So what’s up?” the pig doctor asked.

“Nothing much, I got you a gift!” I exclaimed.

“Oh, a human skeleton model? For me? Thank you so much.” the pig doctor replied.

I handed over the human skeleton model and the pig doctor and I started chatting away.

“So, why did you decide to give me the human skeleton model you had?” the pig doctor asked as he grinned.

“Oh, I was just thinking of giving you a gift for no reason at all. That’s what friends do, right?” I replied.

“Sure thing pal. Thank you so much.” the pig doctor replied.

I then left the pig doctor’s office. The next person I’m giving stuff to is the god of chugging. The god of chugging is going to receive a football team cup from me. I bet he’ll like it. I know he’s a big fan of football and he’ll enjoy drinking out of this football cup I’m about to give him. I then flew over to the god of chugging’s heaven.

“The god of chugging is busy sir.” one of the security guards said.

“Well, when can I meet him?” I asked.

“Twenty minutes tops.” the security guard replied.

Now I have to wait twenty minutes to speak to the god of chugging and give him his gift. I decided to go to the infinite soda fountain he has because I bought a pass to use it. I put my mouth underneath the soda faucet and started drinking. The soda didn’t taste so good, even though it was my favorite.

“The god of chugging is ready to meet you.” the security guard shouted.

“Oh, thank you.” I replied.

I then walked into the god of chugging’s temple, football cup in hand.

“Ahh, how are you doing?” the god of chugging said as he belched.

“Good, how about you?” I asked.

“Just finished beating my world record for chugging a two-liter soda again.” the god of chugging replied.

“Very well done.” I replied.

“So, what did you come to my heaven for?” the god of chugging asked.

“I came here to bring you a gift.” I said as I held out the football designed cup.

“Oh my god, this is so perfect. Thank you.” the god of chugging said.

“You’re welcome.” I replied.

I then left the god of chugging’s heaven. I have a plasma ball for Zeus. I know Zeus is the god of lightning and can make a plasma ball himself, but I think giving him one would be a nice closing gesture. I then flew over to Zeus’ heaven, leaving no time to waste.

“Hey Zeus!” I shouted.

“What is it?” Zeus replied.

“I brought you a plasma ball!” I exclaimed.

“For me? Thank you. But why?” Zeus asked.

“Oh, I think it’s a nice closing gesture.” I replied.

“What do you mean by closing gesture. Wait, don’t you tell me-” Zeus said as I flew away quickly.

“Get back here! I need to talk to you!” Zeus shouted.

“Goodbye, Zeus.” I shouted.

I then watched as lightning almost hit me several times. I heard “Zeus is out for your blood, fight for your life” right next to me when I was flying. I then watched as Zeus went back to his heaven. I finally gave my friends their presents.

Published Jan. 4th, 2022